Weekend Movie Guide: Bosses, Zookeepers, Prison Sluts

Senior Editor
07.08.11 16 Comments

RELEVANT

WEEKEND MOVIE GUIDE: There’s your usual summer crap coming out today, like Paul Blart Zookeeper and Horrible Bosses (which may actually be not that bad…), but I’d recommend seeing Midnight in Paris if you haven’t yet. And stick around for HBO’s new summer documentary, Love Crimes of Kabul this Monday. Anyway, here’s your rundown.

PAUL BLART ZOOKEEPER: Paul Blart takes a fake gorilla voiced by Nick Nolte to its favorite restaurant, Fridays, where it orders 30 oranges. In the process, Blart finds love.

RottenTomatoes: 13%

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

As far as complete wastes of time go, “Zookeeper” is not especially offensive. -Mick LaSalle, SF Chron

There was no press screening of Kevin James’s new movie, Zookeeper, in time for print. So, instead, I interviewed this fart.
Hello, fart! Nice to meet you!
Brrrrrrrrrrrfffff.
Oh stop! Likewise. Really. No, please. Call me Lindy.
Frp. Frrrp.
No… I’m single. You’re really forward, aren’t you? But please, fart, I’m a professional! Really. We need to get down to business. You saw Zookeeper, correct? Are you a big Kevin James fan?
Sssssssssssssssssssss. -Lindy West, The Stranger

A comedy whose cliché-embracing stupidity borders on the surrealistic. -Nick Schager, Village Voice

In accordance with the law that requires any movie made after 2007 to include Ken Jeong playing a weirdo, Ken Jeong plays a weirdo. -Eric Snider, Film.com

ARMCHAIR ASSESSMENT: I already wrote my review, so there’s no need to tell you again. Instead, I noticed in my colleague Eric Snider’s review that he seemed ignorant on the subject of Bas Rutten, who voices the zoo’s wolf.  I’m taking this opportunity to educate you. No one should go through life not knowing who Bas Rutten is.

I just couldn’t sleep at night if I knew a reader of this site had missed a “DANG, KICK TO DA GROIN” reference. “OOOH LOOKY LOOKY WHAT WE HAVE HERE… DANG! BONG!” The man is a human Batman comic. Not know who Bas Rutten is!? For Christ’s sake, he re-invented onomatopoeia.

NEXT PAGE: HORRIBLE BOSSES

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