Weekend Movie Guide: Where's John Carter From Again?

By: 03.09.12  •  12 Comments

"I must warn you... Martian women have a vagina and a death hole, so no oopsies, okay?"

Opening on Earth and Uranus: John Carter, A Thousand Words, Silent House, Friends with Kids

FilmDrunk Suggests: John Carter. Just go see it. It was expensive to make, so Disney needs your money.

"See? Right here... for a good time, call John Carter's mom."

John Carter

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 50% critics, 72% audience, 66% intergalactic porn fetishists

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“I don’t usually bring up a film’s budget in a review, but the reported $250 million price tag for ‘John Carter’ gives one pause. I suppose one could argue that masterpieces have no price. Then again, ‘John Carter’ is no masterpiece.” – Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor

“You want to know more about this world, the lives and causes on it, and how it will all end. In those final moments of screen light, Martian and Earther will blend, and you’ll find yourself wanting to go back, wanting to know more.” – Our home slice Laremy Legel, Film.com

Armchair Analysis: I’m excited to see this one. Remember, while Vince hated Cowboys and Aliens, I loved it (Hi, Damon Lindelof!) because I was able to read a title like Cowboys and Aliens and think, “Well this should be entertaining if I pay $12 expecting a film about cowboys fighting aliens and don’t get lost in silly plot details like where they keep getting all of their bullets or bad acting.” I hope to enjoy a movie about a Civil War soldier who somehow winds up on Mars, fighting an alien race bent on dominating our universe. Call me crazy.

Around The Web


From Showman To Shaman: How An Assassination Attempt Changed Bob Marley’s Life And Music

From Zero To Guitar Hero, Meet The Small-Town Musician Who’s Well On His Way

Hannibal Buress On ‘Comedy Camisado,’ Animation, And Doing Stand-Up In Japan

Phil Matarese And Mike Luciano Talk ‘Animals.’ And Creating Television In Their Apartment

‘Black Sheep’ Revisited: The Farley-Spade Classic That Could’ve Been, 20 Years Later

EAT THIS CITY: Chef Callie Speer Shares Her ‘Can’t Miss’ Food Experiences In Austin, Texas

Kimbo Slice Is Down To Fight Kurt Angle And Roy Jones, Jr. As Soon As He Settles His Business At Bellator 149

By:  •  2 Comments

A Top Recruit Michigan Landed On Signing Day Isn’t Who You Think He Is At All

Henry Louis Gates, Jr. On How His Personal Ancestry Obsessions Led To ‘Finding Your Roots’

Love Books? Plan A Trip To The Most Literary City In The Country

What The Shot-For-Shot Remake Of The ‘Magnum P.I.’ Intro Tells Us About ‘Archer’ Season 7

By:  •  2 Comments

‘The Most Badass Event’: Experiencing A Truck Race On A Ski Mountain, Which Is As Crazy As It Sounds