‘Super Mario Odyssey’ Has Fans Wondering About Mario’s Sex Life

06.14.17 2 Comments

Nintendo

If you’ve lived steeped in the Internet as long as I have, you run across some weird shit. I’m not talking about the deep web, or even the cesspools that are the chan boards. No, you don’t have to go spelunking into the dark corners of the Internet to stumble across things that will change you forever. Sometimes you find them on Reddit years ago and now you can’t unsee it. Such is the case with Nintendo’s Super Mario series, first unveiled at E3.

Fans have long been trying to figure out the dynamic between Mario, Princess Peach, and Bowser. The King Koopa continuously kidnaps Peach, yet no one seems too upset by it as additional security is never added to Peach’s castle and Mario simply rescues the princess instead of destroying the threat that is Bowser once and for all. In some games — such as the Mario Party and Mario Kart franchises — the two rivals don’t seem the least put out about friendly competition. So what the heck is going on? A BDSM polyamorous relationship, obviously. (Dive into the fanfic at your own risk.) But of course, it’s only a fan theory meant to explain a simplistic device utilized as the catalyst in the classic Mario games.

But boy does Super Mario Odyssey kind of hint Nintendo knows what’s up. Based on the trailer, it looks like this time Bowser has interrupted Mario and Peach mid-wedding. But Bowser came prepared with a proposal of his own, and quite frankly, Princess Peach doesn’t seem that upset that her nuptials have changed future husband mid-way through the ceremony. And then there’s the Amiibos that will be released along with Super Mario Odyssey. Nintendo purposely put Peach in the middle of two proposing gentlemen. She looks perplexed by having to choose between them.

Nintendo

And it’s not just me who sees this (stop judging me). Social media was rife with other people just as convinced that Nintendo is — at the very least — not closing the door on the idea that Bowser kidnapping Peach is just an elaborate bedroom game played between three consenting adults.

Of course, there is another theory. Peach needs to get out of the way of true love.

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