There are some acts that are the baseline of the human species. And touching ourselves in the bathing suit area is one of them. But not all of us, especially on the female side of things, have a reliable way of learning how to do it… and Apple likes it that way.
Or at least, that’s the conclusion we take away from the saga of Happy Fun Time. As you might have guessed from the title, it’s an app designed to teach women about their various ladyparts and how to stimulate them for maximum enjoyment in a fun, non-porny way. There’s basically a little pink cartoon vulva that shows you where to go. And Apple summarily rejected it:
Today I got a solemn call from our reviewer who told me that HPT would not be allowed on the app store, even with a 17+ rating. The reason given was that “the concept was not something that Apple wants to go forward with.” The reviewer herself sounded sympathetic, but it seemed like it wasn’t something she could control.
So, you know, hookup apps that feel designed by a serial killer, pickup line apps, sex-ranking apps and Ashley freakin’ Madison, those are all OK. But bathing-suit touching? Apple users don’t do that!
The good news for women who’d like to know more about their bodies and the creepy dudes who will inevitably download this app too is that they’re working on a web version, and that it will also be tried out on the Google Play store. So anybody who wants to know will have an educational course in stimulating ladyparts. We just hope the app doesn’t turn out to be a soundboard.