NOOOO! ‘Jupiter Ascending’ Gets Dropped From The Summer Schedule.

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Entertainment Editor
06.04.14 13 Comments


The Wachowskis’ Uranus Inverting Jupiter Ascending was supposed to open this July 18th, but now it’s been bumped to February 6th, 2015. The delay is reportedly needed for more special effects work on the $150 million film.

The new release date means the box office competition will consist of Mortdecai starring Johnny Depp and the ridiculous-looking Seventh Son (AKA Jeff Bridges: Dragon Fighter). In other words, Jupiter Ascending Please Rename This may make significantly more money in a February slot, just as The LEGO Movie faced almost no competition last February.

Jupiter Ascending stars Channing Tatum as a wolf-human hybrid “half-albino” intergalactic bounty hunter who is supposed to go to Earth and kill janitor Mila Kunis for having the same perfect DNA as the Queen of the Universe, but yo’ boy C-Tates ain’t about killing Earth hotties, son. He’s gonna straight roll up in his limited-edition rocket boots and save that shorty. But you’ll have to wait longer to see it. Boooo.

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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