Kristen Stewart’s In A ‘Romantic’ Remake Of ‘1984’ With Jennifer Lawrence’s Boyfriend

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Entertainment Editor
01.16.14 35 Comments

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“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.”

Kristen Stewart is poised to bite her bottom lip and stare blankly ahead in Equals, an adaptation of an adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984. That’s not a typo; this is an adaptation of the 1956 film based on the novel, because why should the screenwriter read the book when there’s a movie available?

This horrifying story of fascism is inexplicably being described as “romantic”. Kristen Stewart told The Associated Press, “It’s a love story of epic, epic, epic proportion.” All that Twilight money, yet no ownership of a thesaurus. Doubleplusungood.

Here’s another choice Kristen Stewart quote we’re going to just leave right here: “I told [director Drake Doremus], ‘Don’t expect that I am going to be able to do this. It’s too hard.’ But he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

Equals will also star Nicholas Hoult, whom US Magazine refers to as “Jennifer Lawrence’s boyfriend” in their headline. You can read their article here if you want to count how many times they veer into completely irrelevant sidebars about Jennifer Lawrence. SEO game strong.

(Banner image by Gage Skidmore via Creative Commons license. Hat tip to Nerdcore.)

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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