‘Bachelorette’: Is it time for someone to rat on the player?

06.01.14 4 years ago


I have to wonder if it's written into some unlucky guy's contract each season that he will be outed as the slimy villain of the show, because it certainly seems that way. This week, in the first part of a two-night “The Bachelorette” special, we learn that one guy got the number of a restaurant hostess while the guys were eating out sans Andi — and he may or may not have bragged about it. Needless to say, all the guys who are “there for the right reasons” (drink!) are incensed. It's remarkable we don't see more beat downs on this show, but who knows what ends up on the editing room floor, right?

But let's begin at the beginning, which is all happiness and light. The first date card goes to Nick V. He seems a little cavalier about this whole dating the Bachelorette thing, which is odd. Back at the house, Andrew gives his opinion to his castmates (which he will do repeatedly during the show, in a very odd, staged kind of way) that Nick V. is a skeptic, and he thinks he could get sent home. But the date seems like hearts and flowers and puppies. Nick V. has a crush on Andi! There's something there! Andi finds his skepticism adorable. Really? Skepticism is not usually high on the list of adorable characteristics, but whatever works for you, Andi. 

Nick V. may be a skeptic, but he happily blurts out his past relationship failures and talks about his definition of true love. She's going to make him a believer! Of course, he gets the rose. There is kissing, which usually goes with the rose exchange. 

At the house, the guys find out who gets stuck on the group date. Marcus wants a one-on-one! No one loves Andi like he loves Andi! Oh, that's so cute. Delusional, but cute. But the names are: Brian, Marquel, Cody, Tasos, Brett, Bradley, Josh, Ron, Eric, Andrew, Patrick and Marcus (did I miss somebody? I may have missed somebody, I won't lie). Sorry, Marcus! 
The guys meet with Boyz II Men, who must really be wondering how their career has brought them to this horror show. The real singers try to teach a bunch of non-professionals how to not only hold a note but perform, then determine that maybe two guys can sing. Andi can't sing, either, so it's fine, I think. I'm assuming one of the people who can sing is Bradley, the opera singer. 

Oddly enough, Bradley doesn't sound as great as I expected, but everyone else is so much worse it hardly matters. My ears are bleeding. Boyz II Men thinks this is a nightmare and no one may get the girl in the end because it is so incredibly bad, but Andi's impressed. I don't think singing is big on her skill set. 

After the nightmare ear bleed concert, the guys sit around and talk about how much they like Andi. Marcus wants to kiss Andi, so they kiss. But Josh M. wants to kiss her every day! I'm pretty sure she wants to kiss him every day, too. Marcus may think he has a special love with Andi, but I'm pretty sure he's not at the top of her list. 

Andi gives the date rose to Josh M. Still, that doesn't phase Marcus. He's sure what she has with Josh M. is nowhere near what he has with her. Uh-huh. 

J.J., the pantsapreneur, gets the last one-on-one. And it is an awesome one — they each get a head-to-toe old person makeover, complete with age spots and wigs and wrinkles. This could have been an awkward mess with the wrong guy, but J.J. dives in head first. They call one another Herb and Judith, which is all kinds of cute. 

They don't just sit on a park bench, either. They enjoy yanking people's chains by playing football and then make out on the tire swing. He gives her a Werther's, because in his heart I think he really may be an 80-year-old man. Once they get out of make-up, J.J. admits to Andi he's been afraid to be as quirky as he wants to be. He used to get picked on and had to be pulled out of public school. He fears he's going to end up alone. But he feels a level of comfort around her that feels good. But Andi was drawn to his quirk in the first place! Date rose, duh. 

Ron gets a scary phone call. Eeek! He's packing. A close friend passed away, so he's leaving the show. Sorry we never got to know you, Ron. Best wishes. 

Dylan keeps talking in the confessional and to other guys about needing to tell Andi his story. His sister died from drugs four years ago, then his brother died for the same reason. He doesn't want to tell Andi quickly, but during a one-on-one. I get that he wants a lot of time and space for this, but he may not get that chance. Hate to say it, but Dylan needs to unload this story sooner rather than later. 

Cocktail party time! A toast to Ron is proposed, and you'd think everyone would be on their good behavior because of the “real world” jutting into the proceedings, but only for a minute. Everyone seems to feel bad for Ron, but they're also thrilled to have one more guy out of the mix. 

Eric is trying to bond with Andi when she gets a flower deliver right in the middle of it all. Eric wishes he was responsible for the bouquet. But who is? Nick V. What? It threw Eric off, and I'm not surprised. As he points out, the gentlemen's agreement from earlier is off. I didn't think this was even allowed, but I guess it is. Instead of chastising Nick V., Andi pulls him aside for a snog. 

Andrew comments on the competitive nature of the show. Again. Why is Andrew the one who comments on everything? He's like a newscaster with no real news to report. 

Ah, now we find out why we're seeing so much of Andrew. J.J. and Josh M. corner him to discuss a small matter of Andrew getting the restaurant hostess' number at dinner last week. Gross. This is considered bad form because he not only came back with the number, but tells the four other guys in the car that he got the number. Josh M. thinks he needs to man up, and J.J. is blinking furiously, which I guess means he's upset. 

But when they confront Andrew, he refuses to discuss it. J.J. chases him. He's not letting this go! They follow him up the stairs. I love this. “Like seriously dude, man the bleep up!” is sputtered. I think that was Josh M. The camera guys have to chase the trio up a circular staircase, which is all kinds of funny. 

Finally, Andrew emerges from his room with a game plan. He says yes, a girl gave him the number, but he didn't brag about it. Andrew thinks this is all jealousy. Nick V. remembers Andrew bragging! Andrew isn't going to stoop to their level. They're not worth it! These are three guys who are low lives! 

Wow. I hate Andrew more than words can say, in large part because he isn't just confessing to this. Then, Andrew has to do his sportscaster crap again, this time explaining that things are getting more intense, but may the best man win. 

Did anyone get a hold of Andi before the rose ceremony to tell her this? C'mon, people. 

Before distributing roses, Andi tells everyone how lucky she feels. I guess no one told her about Andrew, because then she really wouldn't feel so lucky. 

Last rose goes to… Andrew! No!

So, Andi is sending home Bradley the opera singer and hairstylist Brett. Brett admits to being nervous and making a bad first impression (I'm amazed he lasted past the lamp incident, honestly). Bradley loves to be loved! He's so sad! Bradley seems so sweet. Argh, Andrew's still in the mix? Of course, the producers are keeping the villain until something explosive can play out (possibly tomorrow), and it doesn't matter so much at this point anyway. I doubt Andrew was ever a top contender, and anyone being sent home this week wasn't, either. 

Tomorrow they're off to Connecticut. There will be basketball. And tears. 

What do you think of Andrew? Are you sorry Brett, Bradley and Ron are gone? What did you think of the old person make-over date with J.J.?

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