‘Big Brother’ recap: What’s next for the Silent Six?

08.13.12 5 years ago 12 Comments


So, Janelle is gone, Frank is in the catbird seat, and Boogie is on top of the world. Of course Boogie’s on top of the world. My frustration with that decrepit little Burgess Meredith wannabe is that he’s so darn cocky — and then, that same blazing egotism seems to be reinforced by the weak, lemming-like hamsters left in the house. Of course everyone (except for clueless, friendless Joe) voted for Janelle to go home. Was it good for everyone’s game? Of course not! But gee whiz, Frank is so charming and Boogie is soooo good at this game, why not do their bidding?

Having pushed Janelle out of the house without a second glance, Britney is suddenly beset by doubts. She liked Janelle and sort of had an alliance with her, but she didn’t want to stand out by casting a vote to keep her! For someone who came back to the game as a coach, Britney is turning out to be one wuss of a player this time around. She and Danielle sit down to contemplate their decision to oust Janelle. Frank won’t turn on them now, will he? Hey, maybe you should have thought of that earlier, ladies!

The power couple of Boogie and Frank sits down to contemplate their next power couple move. Boogie tells Frank they need to work Wil, then nominate him with Joe. Frank is confused. Shouldn’t they nominate Joe and Dan? Boogie thinks that would only shake the trust of the Secret Six. Boogie just wants to keep Dan around, as he knows a sucker when he sees one. But Frank is still angry. Dan tried to get rid of him! He will have vengeance! Mwahahaha!

Time for the ceremonial grimacing over Frank’s HOH room. Oddly, it seems Wil and Ian have a touch of Stockholm syndrome, as Wil thinks Frank is sooo cute in his pictures with blond hair and Ian is swooning over Frank’s NASA hat. I expect to see both of them drawing lipstick hearts and kisses on Frank’s picture downstairs any minute.

Later, Wil and Ashley talk. They wonder if they made a mistake by voting off Janelle. Hey, I detect a theme! Joe decides to crash their pity party. Why oh why didn’t they tell him they weren’t voting to keep Janelle? Um, so Joe would be a target, duh. Joe feels so alone! He can’t even trust two floaters like Wil and Ashley. What is this world coming to?

Frank tells Shane and Ian that he had a hot dream about JoJo. This kicks off a conversation about how they all wish they’d have hot dreams about Kara. I’m waiting for someone to point out to Shane that he could be having actual hot (okay, G-rated hot) action with Danielle, but no one does. Oh, and Frank dreamt about his teeth falling out, which I think is manifestation of anxiety about how others perceive you, fear of looking like a jackass, or a feeling as if you lack power. Keep that one to yourself, Frank.

Britney and Boogie chit-chat. Boogie reveals that he doesn’t think Danielle is a school teacher. He thinks she’s a medical student or a nurse. Ding! She knows a lot about Naproxyn, which is, as poker player Boogie notes, her tell. Boogie and Britney think it’s weird she’d lie about being a nurse. Neither of them think it’s all that impressive. Poor Danielle.

In other news, Ashley is having back spasms. Boogie and Dan walk her around. This delights Ashley and bores me.

Time for the first have/have not competition of the summer. They must divide into two teams of five, dress as lemons or limes, then soak up juice in their costumes and squeeze it out. Good lord, how many times are we going to see some permutation of this exact contest before someone at “Big Brother” has a new idea?

The backyard is a “lemon-lime magical garden,” according to Ashley, who lets Frank play for her, what with the bad back and all.

As expected, there’s lots of jumping and waddling and squeezing. Jenn has to bounce on Danielle to squeeze out her juice (insert bad joke of your choice here). She’s never been bounced on by a lesbian! She’s so horrified! Hey, if you’re a nurse you’ve done worse, Danielle. You deal with catheters and stuff. Calm down.

Joe is overwhelmed, so he floats around in the lemon pool and pouts. Occasionally he shifts his weight from side to side. Everyone hates him because he isn’t trying, but hey, everyone hates him anyway.

Shane squeezes Danielle, and she’s so excited! She’s seeing some action! Sort of! Finally! Doesn’t matter, though, because the limes win. That means, Shane, Danielle, Britney and Joe are have-nots for the week, which means a delightful diet of candy canes and cod. Danielle hates fish! That’s, like, so gross! And they don’t have fish where she comes from, the land of meat and potatoes and heterosexuals!

Joe makes one last ditch attempt to save himself by visiting Frank. Joe wants Frank to acknowledge loyalty. Joe is a very loyal guy, and Wil and Ashley? Not so much. Huh? Didn’t Joe vote to oust Frank just last week? Frank nods but I think he only sees a future with or without pork carnitas when Joe opens his mouth.

There’s a game of pool basketball. Boogie claims to be great at dunking and such, then breaks the pool basketball hoop. Boogie claims he was just SO excited and good at what he does, while Dan suggests Boogie couldn’t control his flailing 42-year-old limbs. I go with Dan’s assessment.

Finally, Wil wants to make nice with Frank. He says he doesn’t care if they put him up. No hurt feelings! But then, Boogie and Frank ask him whom he’d like to target. Wil hems and haws them points out he knows there’s a big alliance (which includes them, hint, hint) and he isn’t going to say. Boogie is furious! How dare Wil refuse to pick a target! That means he’d come after them! Boogie and Frank shift their target from Joe’s back to Wil’s.

Oh, but Frank would like to send Dan home. Boogie tells him it’s too soon. But Frank really wants to send him home! Waaah!

Time for the nominations ceremony! You know, Frank seems so comfortable in that spiritard, I wonder if he’ll wear it longer than he needs to. It would cut down on laundry, after all.

Britney is safe.
Danielle is safe.
Shane is safe.
Ashley is safe.
Jenn is safe.
Ian is safe.
Dan is safe.
Boogie is safe.

Wil and Joe are on the block — and Frank declares in the interview room that Wil is the new target. Of course, Joe doesn’t know that, so he is going to serve a dish of revenge. Or something. That man is just angry. And probably hungry. I suspect Joe will end up doing something so incredibly stupid he’ll manage to snatch the target back from Wil, but hey, anything could happen.

Do you think Wil or Joe will go home? Do you think Frank will try to backdoor Dan? Who are you rooting for?

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