Before we get into the issue of The Proposal That Never Was, we might as well address the fact that the world wideness of the Interweb is crackling with the suggestion that the whole relationship between Kenya Moore and Walter Jackson is (gasp!) fake. Quelle horreur! How could a reality TV show present something that isn’t 100 percent true? That was, yes, manufactured for our entertainment? I’m having a touch of the vapors, I tell you! Someone fetch me a fan!
Actually, if this is true, it would be a huge relief. Walter seems so thoroughly bored as Kenya flutters and twirls around him like a psychotic Disney princess that I want to believe she’s humiliating herself on national television for a greater goal than a crappy ring and a bad marriage. If she’s doing it for money and a book deal like every other woman on these shows? Well, then she’s just one of the gang!
But, let’s assume the relationship between Kenya and Walt is true, just for fun. Hey, if Kenya doesn’t seem to mind that the man she (supposedly) wants to marry seemingly has no interest in her, why should we? Throughout this trip to Anguilla, Kenya has flirted and preened and pawed at Walter, making it abundantly clear that she’s READY TO GET MARRIED and she IS OVULATING RIGHT NOW and she’s READY TO PROCREATE and WANTS MANY, MANY BABIES AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE as she tugs at his pants and howls like a cat in heat. Okay, maybe not the very last part, but seriously, she does everything else to make it clear that she’s not only ready to commit, but might slam Walter against a wall and forcibly take sperm from his body if she has to. The fact that she practically smashes her butt cheeks into the nether regions of another guy on the trip in front of Walt, and he shrugs it off as “networking” suggests he doesn’t care if Kenya steps into traffic or dances naked in front of him he’s so thoroughly bored by the woman.
And yet Walt doesn’t seem to mind (this, to me, might be the strongest indicator that the relationship is fake, as any man in his right mind would have run screaming long before this point). As they walk along the beach, Kenya mentions she would like to elope, HINT, HINT! The way Kenya drops a hint is only slightly less obvious than a drone strike. “Hey, that sounds good,” he says, before muttering, “…eventually.” Kenya, who has an advanced case of selective hearing, hears, “Hope you packed something white!” Kenya also seems to think that she is featured in history books, as everyone cares deeply about the second African-American winner of a beauty pageant. As we all know, that puts her right up there with Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King. Because, as we know, Miss USA does very important things, like waving at crowds and crying while holding big rose bouquets.
Anyway, it’s in this episode that everything goes horribly wrong (or, if you’re a Kenya hater, deliciously right) for a “40 and fabulous” pageant queen. At a group dinner on their last night in Anguilla, everyone starts talking about how they got engaged. Apollo spat a ring into Phaedra’s mouth, Gregg bought NeNe a car, Peter screwed it up but intends to do it over and over again until he gets it right. Peter suddenly decides it’s time for a toast, making sure to sing the praises of every couple at the table… until he gets to Walt and Kenya. “I didn’t think you were a couple,” he says, before adding that they must be a good pairing because Walt is such a great guy. He comes thisclose to saying Walt is such a great guy he should break up with a nutjob like Kenya as soon as they get back to Atlanta, because if she does it while they’re all on a plane together she might take the opportunity to overpower the pilot and send them all into the ocean.
He also mentions that a “little birdie” told him that Walt’s expected to propose within the next three hours, so he must be feeling a great deal of pressure. Walt decides to stand up and clarify that he doesn’t feel pressure because no one can pressure him to propose if he doesn’t want to. This is Kenya’s cue to run from the table sniffling, because he’s embarrassed her! In front of all her non-friends! And they DID talk about eloping! Or she talked about eloping and he stood there and thought about checking his phone, so that counts!
For the very first time, Walt seems to realize he’s in a foreign country with a delusional woman and decides to speak forcefully and clearly. Um, I DID NOT SAY you were getting a ring this week! Kenya sobs for him to stop yelling. But Walt isn’t yelling — he’s just trying to make sure he’s speaking loudly enough to drown out the crazy wedding fairies fluttering around her shoulders 24/7.
Kenya can’t stay! Go, “40 and fabulous” Scarlett O’Hara, take that dress made of curtains out into the warm Anguilla night to cry alone except for a small, unobtrusive camera crew to light the way! Walt asks somebody to make sure she gets onto the bus okay, as he doesn’t want to go chasing after this freak. This is to prove, I suppose, that he’s a “nice” guy, in that he doesn’t want her to die or anything, but he doesn’t want to watch if she does.
Although this certainly doesn’t make me Team Kenya or anything, these scene (unless it was scripted, which I’m not ruling out) never had to happen. I’m not sure if Walt was simply too focused on getting Kenya into bed, or was thinking about baseball, or was quietly wondering if the walls were painted with eggshell or matte finish every time Kenya began ranting about her loudly ticking biological bomb, I mean, clock, but come on! The woman was practically vibrating with anticipation the whole week, sure a ring was going to be floating in the bottom of ever glass of chablis or fruit bowl that passed her way. Yes, he’d told Kenya to be patient — but clearly, to her being patient means waiting for fifteen minutes, then, if ring is not forthcoming, freak the hell out. Walt’s big mistake was not giving her something concrete to work with. I guess his concern was that she might run if he said he didn’t want to propose for a year. But if he wants to take his time, he’s the one being a jerk knowing that she doesn’t — and it was up to him to call it quits or shake some sense into her.
This is not to say Kenya isn’t completely off her rocker, because she is. I’m not sure why she just became aware of her need to get married and have kids, but I’m thinking she may have wanted to step on it about ten years ago. Then, she might have been able to wait patiently (well, maybe) to let Mr. Right come to the conclusion it was time to get hitched without pummeling him senseless with HINTS.
Phaedra actually feels sorry for Kenya, telling her that “the only person who wishes for a husband has never had one.” Men are crazy! Kenya agrees. Walt is crazy! I want to tell Phaedra to stop enabling the Queen of Denial, but whatever. For the moment, they’re sisters, at least until Kenya finds something irrational to argue with Phaedra about.
Many, many other memorable moments happen in this episode — Kenya gives Cynthia an autographed copy of Vanessa Williams’ book to suggest she isn’t up on her American history or big words, Kandi and NeNe awkwardly make friends, Kenya non-apologizes to Porsha and Porsha decides she looks like a mean raisin, oh, the fun just goes on and on! I’m a little sad to see them leaving Anguilla, as it seems to have brought out the crazy in Kenya in a fun, twirly new way. And if her relationship with Walt is fake, well, I’m just curious to see how it plays out. I’m not quite sure why Kenya would want to portray herself as a man-chasing uterus with more hormones than sense, but maybe she thinks that will add an extra paragraph to her current entry in all high school American History books. Something for the kids!