Movies for me generally fall into one of two categories: 1) movies I watch and 2) Biblical movies. “The Ten Commandments”? I'm sorry, but isn't that like four hours long? “The Passion of the Christ”? Oh yes, let me please subject myself to horrifying acts of torture porn for two whole hours.”The Prince of Egypt”? I stopped watching Disney animated musicals right around the age of nine, when my heart died.
So no, I probably won't be breaking the mold by checking out “Noah,” Darren Aronofsky's big-budget take on the Biblical flood that looks a little too much like a remake of “”Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World” for my liking.
But hey, you know who else hasn't seen the movie? The catty Stepford Wives on Fox News who are now criticizing it for not being accurate enough. And who better than Jon Stewart to point this out, along with the fact that no, “Noah” is not a documentary, because video cameras didn't exist in Biblical times and also because this shit never even happened.