The 20 most amazing names in professional baseball

05.09.13 5 years ago

Baseball: yes, it’s America”s pastime, but more importantly, it’s the sport that introduced us to men with names like Yogi Berra, Babe Ruth and Milton Bradley. And what unites a nation more than a target to collectively make fun of? The tradition of unusual, poetic, and just plain mockable names in the MLB is still going strong. Here are the 20 most amazing ones currently lighting up rosters across the country:

20. Brad Peacock,Huston Astros pitcher
I bet Brad Peacock was made fun of relentlessly in elementary school for his weird last name but eventually came to accept it and blossomed into a confident teenager who attracted swarms of girls with his beautiful plumage. Or perhaps he”s still made fun of relentlessly for his weird last name.
19. Yadier Molina
This is not only a beautiful-sounding name, it”s also a beautiful-sounding greeting dispatched from the guy behind the counter at the Italian deli. “Yadi-eh, Molina?”
18. Rex Brothers, Colorado Rockies pitcher
Rex Brothers sounds like the name of a plumbing company you would absolutely trust to get that hairball out of your drain and not rip you off. Well, you would trust the older Rex Brother, Robbie Rex. I hear young Richie Rex has gotten into meth.
17. Welington Castillo, Chicago Cubs catcher
This name sounds half super dignified and half like a kind of burrito dish that”s baked and served with a side of roasted papas.
16. Huston Street, San Diego Padres pitcher
Austin Avenue, San Antonio Cul De Sac, El Paso Gas Station, Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. All excellent names.
15. Aroldis Chapman, Cincinnati Reds pitcher
Aroldis Chapman”s first name is actually Albertin and his middle name Aroldis, but the man smart is enough to go by the one that makes him sound like an chiseled Ancient Greek statue. Perhaps even one posed midway through the act of throwing a discus for a no-hitter.
14. Donnie Veal, Chicago White Sox pitcher
Donnie Veal is either the name of an upcoming John C. Reilly character or the next Republican nominee for President.
13. Leonys Martin, Texas Rangers outfielder
It pains me that Leonys Martin is a baseball player out of Texas and not a soul singer out of Detroit. Wouldn”t you absolutely go see Leonys Martin and the Leonysses play anywhere in the world, at any time?
12. Homer Bailey, Cincinnati Reds pitcher
Is there a first name out there that bodes a legacy of baseball greatness more than “Homer”? Well, that would be the case if this guy were anything but a pitcher. Whoops! I”m pretty sure this very dilemma is what The Iliad is about.
11. Didi Gregorius, Arizona Diamondbacks shortstop
Come on, can you even imagine getting to introduce yourself as “Didi Gregorious.” Women would drop to their knees to bathe your feet and dangle grapes above your open mouth every single time!
10. Buster Posey, San Francisco Giants catcher
I cannot believe there”s a famous American named Buster Posey and he isn”t a vaudevillian performer or a magician.
9. Antonio Bastardo, Philadelphia Phillies pitcher
It just kills me that MLB announcers never take the opportunity to say, “And now pitching for Philadelphia… the Bastard Antonio!”
8. Yuniesky Betancourt, Milwaukee Brewers shortstop
Chalk this great name up to the influence of Communism. Yunkiesky Betancourt is a Cuban man with a Russian-sounding name, evidently a popular trend under Castro. It”s somehow supposed to be a version of “Juan,”
7. Elvis Andrus, Texas Rangers shortstop
I”m going to launch a career as an Elvis Andrus impersonator and it will simply entail introducing myself as “Elvis Andrus” and marveling at how cool I sound.
6. Darwin Barney, Chicago Cubs second baseman
Come on, does it get any cuter than “Darwin Barney”? This is not a name for a man, it”s a name for an adorable dachshund who wears tiny knit sweaters and a bow tie collar.
5. Joba Chamberlain, New York Yankees pitcher
Joba Chamberlain is not the man”s birth name, but it is his legal name, and you have to admire that kind of panache.
4. Prince Fielder, Detroit Tigers first baseman
Okay, Homer Bailey is a great baseball name, but Prince Fielder is a baseball name that could only have come from a spark of divine intervention. And you thought God only cared about football!
3. Al Alburquerque, Detroit Tigers pitcher
Although the name Al Alburqueque is amazing on anyone, it would work even better on a ruddy blonde car salesman who wears snakeskin boots to work every day. But we must take what we can get.
2. Yonder Alonso, San Diego Padres first baseman
Yonder Alonso is just such a beautiful, wistful name! It sounds like a Mumford and Sons song at least, and I would argue that the name itself should qualify as a poem.
1. Coco Crisp, Oakland A”s center fielder
Coco is a nickname. However, the man”s full name happens to be Covelli Loyce Crisp, which would have made this list in its own right. I declare that this is the most amazing name in baseball and will remain so up until the point Coco Puff becomes old enough for the draft.

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