Well, if all the dog killing and gay bashing in Sochi hasn’t dimmed your enthusiasm for alpine skiing, good news! NBC has tons of programming. Even better, this year’s Winter Olympics promises to be far more dangerous than usual thanks to slipshod construction and the awkwardness of double toilets. Yay!
2:30 p.m. NBC – Speed skating, ski jumping, triathlon
Men’s speed skating! That sounds fast, doesn’t it? Tune in for the 5000m event, which will probably be over before you know it. There will also be ski jumping qualifications in men’s normal hill (I’m holding out for the abnormal hill qualifications), women’s skiathlon (which sounds so super scifi but isn’t) and men’s 10km sprint biathlon.
3:00 p.m. – NBC Sports – Hockey
Hockey! Game of the day! Whoot! I wonder if there will be punching. That’s always the sign of a good hockey game. Lots of punching.
8:00 p.m. – NBC – Slopestyle snowboarding, moguls skiing, figure skating
Okay, Canadian snowboarding champ Mark McMorris kinda blew it in the qualifying round of slopestyle snowboarding, but hey, who cares? He qualified, and he could come back and win the gold in the final. So tune it to see if he very politely gloats. Because he’s Canadian. Also, Hanna Kearney is going for another gold in women’s moguls skiing, and we get a new team event in figure skating (short dance, ladies’ short program). That’s a lot of short, so don’t blink.