Remember when NeNe Leakes was the Zen goddess of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta”? Well, that's over. I realize that, after perching on her high horse for so long, she needs to get back into the mix in an explosive way lest Bravo kick her to the curb where Sheree Whitfield has been sleeping under a cardboard box. We all know what that means — bring on the shade! And I don't mean a sunhat!
NeNe isn't the only one kicking up a fuss this week. Because the season finale is right around the corner, everyone's dragging some rusty old argument out of a box to batter it around for a bit. Remember Porsha's divorce? This week, she's not the one fussing over it — no, that's Peter, Gregg and Kenya. Go figure.
Before we get to that fight (let's not confuse them; there are so, so many), Marlo confesses to Kenya what's really going on between her and NeNe. It turns out that the Bailey Bowl (or Brawl) was just the final, public conflagration between these two former best friends. Before this, NeNe and Cynthia had called Marlo for a conference call-o'- shame, in which NeNe screamed at Marlo (and, I guess Cynthia sat silently and shook her head) for having the temerity to be friends with Kenya. Kenya is shocked! Marlo, however, isn't a fan and she isn't one of NeNe's soldiers — she'll be friends with the unpopular girls, too! So there!
Kenya thinks this is just like high school. Really? Just this week? Funny, I thought this show was always just like high school, just with better shoes.
Anyway, we next learn that Phaedra isn't all that thrilled with Kenya planning a little couples' trip to the Mexican Riviera. Last time Kenya and Apollo combined skimpy bathing suits and tequila, it was not great, after all. Still, when Phaedra floats the idea of taking Dwight instead of Apollo as her plus one, her husband is deeply offended. We don't really see much of this argument, and I'm sure it's not a very long one as Phaedra buckles like an arthritic knee whenever Apollo gives her feedback, but I am so enjoying Phaedra's colorful language. Ace boon coon, “Rentley” driving, Kenya “Whore” Moore — she's just a cornucopia of bon mots, that girl is!
But back to the whole Porsha divorce rehash. For some reason, Peter decides to drop by Kordell's place to get his side of the divorce story, because he needed something to do during the finale. Kordell is happy to help! He tells Peter that Porsha's mom ruined their marriage because she sat on his bed eating pepperoni pizza. Oh, and Porsha told him to file for divorce… so she saw it on Twitter, but she knew it was coming. And she lost her condo because she didn't pay her taxes, so Kordell calls her a knucklehead who isn't going to get all that she thinks she's getting from him.
I will say, none of this sounds inaccurate. Oddly, though, Peter doesn't have the guts to ask Kordell if he's a closeted gay man who married Porsha as a beard. I suspect the reason for this is that Kordell could beat Peter into the ground like something out of a Warner Brothers cartoon with three solid smacks and Cynthia would have to call in a hole borer just to retrieve his body.
But hey, let's not get bogged down in boring conversation. Kenya and Miss Lawrence head to Mexico a day before everyone else, which is absolutely genius as there will be no fighting over who gets what room if Kenya has already unpacked in the one with a private pool and a private beach. Why do none of the other housewives do this? I suspect they will going forward, though.
In the stretch limo from the airport the next day, Peter decides hey, what better way to spoil Porsha's vacation right from the jump than to mention he met with Kordell? Ding, ding, ding! At this point, since Peter is screaming over a bunch of people to throw shade at Porsha, not much comes of it, but at least he now can bring it up at another inopportune time. Yay!
Sidebar — Kenya crows, “Mirror Mirror, on the wall, I'm the shadiest one of all!” in reference to NeNe, and informs us that she intends to kill her frenemy with kindness. That explains why the fighting will probably happen next week, after NeNe has let her defenses down and possibly gotten drunk or something.
I do love that Porsha is the one to notice that Kenya didn't bring her African prince on the trip to Mexico and suggests in a roundabout way that he's probably fictional. I'm waiting for this to come up at some point, as Kenya hasn't even shown pictures of the guy to anyone as far as I know. If you're going to create a fictional boyfriend, at least provide fictional proof!
After Kenya makes a point of announcing that NeNe and Gregg get the nicest room (well, as nice as her room) to make up for her involvement in the last couples' party brouhaha, we discover that Kenya has left bikini shots of herself in every room. Because nothing promotes getting jiggy as much as knowing your husband or boyfriend has just seen a picture of another woman right before he wants to get it on with you, right?
For the big welcome dinner, Kenya puts on a yellow bed sheet and, apparently, gives Miss Lawrence her good clothes.
And guess what the topic du jour is? Porsha's divorce! For some reason, all these months later, everyone is very interested in whether or not Porsha is making a mistake. Gregg asks Porsha if she outran a blessing. Todd asks if she knows the relationship is done in her heart.
Porsha starts talking and, as is usual with Porsha, not a lot of sense is made. She kind of infers that they had financial problems and she had to go back to work, which makes sense to no one, and then Peter just cuts to the chase and tells Porsha what Kordell told him. He repeats the bit about how Kordell loved Porsha, but not all the issues (meaning family members) she brought into the relationship with her. And then, Porsha talks some more.
She says something very, very circular and vague about how Kordell's celebrity was “tainted” and she took it upon herself to rehab his image. Everyone's confuses, so Kenya decides to clarify. “You said, 'I signed on to be your beard,' basically,” Kenya says, spearing the elephant in the middle of the room dead in the throat.
Porsha is upset. How could she say that! She has no reason to sling mud! You know, except for all those other times she basically said Kordell was gay and she was his beard. Kenya thinks Porsha sounds like a broke-down Olivia Pope, and she's not wrong. Porsha keeps trying to explain herself, and she really shouldn't.
Eventually, Kenya shuts down the conversation when Kandi tries to come to Porsha's defense, which only annoys Porsha more. But I think Kenya may have a point that the truth would set Porsha free. Her insistence on talking in circles about the beard issue hasn't cleared up anything, and at this point, Kordell seems a lot more coherent. Saying Kordell's image was “tainted” sounds pretty defamatory, and I have to wonder if any divorce settlement she's struck with him might suddenly blow up after this episode airs. But hey, what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico, right? Right?
Do you think Porsha is lying or telling the truth? What did you think of what Kordell had to stay? And do you think Kenya and NeNe are going to have it out next week?