‘Real Housewives of New York City’: It’s a doggy funeral for Sonja

05.27.14 4 years ago 5 Comments


It should be noted that the over-the-top doggie funeral at the end of this week's episode of “The Real Housewives of New York City” was probably the sanest moment in the whole show. At least no one was flinging booze or pulling hair or talking about oral sex. Yes, it was that kind of episode. Needless to say, George was involved.

We kicked things off with Kristen bitching and moaning to LuAnn and Heather about Ramona. She did not reach out to her immediately after the glass tossing incident! She brought flowers, but it was an insincere gesture that was also vaguely threatening! Ramona is the anti-Christ! Okay, she didn't say that part, but she might as well have. 

Kristen is far harder on Ramona than she is on Josh, who decides to hang out and watch Kristen as she struggles through a paying gig for a workout video. During a break, he asks the trainer how long it will “take to get rid of her pooch.” For some reason, he thinks he's being supportive by making mean comments about her aerobic capacity and her body. Kristen tells him repeatedly that she's working and, ahem, he should leave, but Josh just smiles. This is so fun, watching his silly wife try to do things!

Watching Carole interview assistants, I have now decided that working for her is either the best job ever or the workplace equivalent of having Sriracha poured in your eyes and other orifices. While only one candidate brings a resume (are you kidding me?), Carole proceeds to pepper these hapless slackers with questions like, do you own a gun? Can you operate a fog machine? Have you read my book? And oh, what do you think about wire hangers? I'm not even sure if all of her questions are entirely legal, but there's the distinct possibility she's going to ask someone to knock over a bodega anyway, so who cares?

Aviva is apparently still on the show, even though she missed out on all the fun, and she not only meets with Ramona and Sonja for meatballs and resentment, but has people over to her house. We learn that she knows Steve Madden's wife, but we also learn that her dad, George, has a new girl. I've heard of more romantic meet-cutes than a guy falling in love with a woman during a salon visit to get his testicles waxed, but I can't think of them. She's 25, black, and apparently does not have a problem with a creepy old man demanding sex every few minutes. It's a match made in Heaven!

He also has a dreamy marriage proposal lined up for Cody, which entails throwing a bag at her and telling her to open up her own damn ring since he's busy trying to sell everyone at the party on putting mirrors above their beds for “sexual enhancement.” For some reason, Cody agrees to be hammered incessantly by a geriatric penis and everyone pretends to congratulate the young/old couple. Aviva, of course, is only upset that her stepmom is 25-years-old. 

Finally, we have the doggy funeral at which almost everyone looked like they were wearing a “Breakfast at Tiffany's” Halloween costume. Even though Sonja managed to dump most of Millou on the sidewalk instead of the water and she managed to say entirely illogical things like “no one will ever fill his paws” (which is technically true, since she scattered them all over the sidewalk), it was almost an emotionally moving, though narcissistic and fully ridiculous, moment.

I don't think you're really supposed to applaud at the end of a eulogy, but Sonja ate it up, waving to her friends like a goth Miss Teen USA. Really, it could be the ending to “Sex and the City: The Tragically Lonely Menopause Years” in which all of the characters are Samantha Jones. Hell, I'd watch it.

Do you think Kristen and Josh are doomed? Would you work for Carole? What do you think of George's engagement? 

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