‘Real Housewives of Orange County’: Is Lizzie a good addition to the cast?

05.06.14 3 years ago 11 Comments


You would think David whisking Shannon away for a night of romance at the St. Regis would be intensely romantic. Or, if not romantic, at least not unsettling and kind of creepy. Unfortunately, when Shannon declares she needs to get just a little drunker to stomach the idea of having sex with her husband and searches for an open bottle for a quick swig, it was pretty clearly the latter and not the former. You know what's great foreplay? Asking your wife over dinner when she's getting her boobs “firmed up.” I kept waiting for David to shove an envelope of money into her purse and shove her out the door with her shoes in her hand after he was done with her. The worst part? She was so grateful he was finally making time for her! 

This was an episode chock-full of awkward encounters and ugly moments, both romantic and otherwise. First, Vicki decides that she needs to update her office since she'd rather stay at work than go home to an empty house, and drags her designer through offices I'm really hoping she didn't decorate the first time around. This is decidedly uninteresting right up until we discover that Vicki's receptionist is falling asleep during the day because she faces a wall of leather patches that look like dark brown cinder blocks.

I'm wondering if the receptionist is really falling asleep because a) Vicki has no customers or b) she feels like she's in a very expensive prison block, but in any case, I want to know why Vicki ever thought this was a good decision. Get your insurance here, right past the poop-colored prison wall! It smells like leather and fear!

As promised, Tamra drags herself to the Ugly Sweater party we heard so much about last week, and the prospect of wearing something intentionally unattractive seems to make Tamra sad. I like pretty sweaters! I hate ugly things and ugly people wearing ugly things! Next time, we write a check and screw all this Christmas stuff! 

Heather arrives and is also sad, but only because the dim bulb running the party used the good champagne in a Robitussin-colored punch. Initially Tamra and Heather seem to be getting along famously, but then Heather has to use the word “amalgam” in a sentence and that just sends Tamra down the rabbit hole of insecurity and a testament to the fact she really shouldn't have been awarded a high school diploma. This is perhaps not the best conversation for the new girl to find herself in, but she might as well get a clear idea of what she's facing.

Lizzie seems as if she might be too smart for this show, but whenever we meet a Housewife with a career or a brand to promote, at least we know why she's pimping herself out to Bravo. Lizzie is a pageant queen who gave up acting to follow her husband to Orange County and now runs her own swimwear line, Sun Kitten. I get the impression Lizzie doesn't suffer fools (she was the valedictorian of her high school), which means she and Vicki are not going to be the best of friends. I'm really hoping that at some point in the season Heather and Lizzie corner Tamra and Vicki and pepper them with SAT words until they cry. 

Speaking of Vicki, she and Brooks have a date in which he vows his loyalty (he grew a scruffy beard just for her!) and she informs him she thinks he's the bomb dot com. Brooks' head snaps back when she says this, as if he feels she has just anointed him the crown prince of Orange County. Maybe these two really do deserve one another. 

Finally, Tamra decides to break the news to Eddie that she wants to have his baby (or at least she wants to find a surrogate to have his baby). Eddie's fine with that, as long as she's willing to take on all domestic duties having anything to do with the baby and just lets him go to work without having to look at it too much. Tamra senses he isn't entirely enthusiastic about this baby thing, but he'll change!

Oh, Tamra. Eddie seems like such a nice guy I want to believe he will, but that's an awfully big gamble. This isn't like buying him a pink sweatshirt and keeping the receipt. Still, it's hard to watch her cry about how much she wants kids her crappy ex-husband can't take away 50 percent of the time. The good news? It sounds as if Eddie won't even ask for visitation if they do break up, so the next kid is all hers, dirty diapers and all! 

Do you think Tamra should have another baby? Do you think Shannon should give up on her marriage? What did you think of Lizzie? 

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