‘Real Housewives of Orange County’: Who ruined the hoedown?

05.27.14 4 years ago 14 Comments


So Heather did put together a pretty fabulous shindig to show off how much money she has. It all went pear shaped pretty quickly and ended in tears and contusions, but on the bright side everyone got onion rings out of it. For an event on “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” that's not bad. 

It's hard to know who was more of a jerk in this episode, as it seemed everyone except the new girl, Lizzie, had a share of the blame in turning the hoedown into a shootout. The longer I watch this show, the more I find Vicki to be regressing, like a “Flowers for Algernon” story but mean and ornery. At this point, she seems to have stalled at the emotional maturity level of a middle school student. The snoring thing? It might have been funny once. Now, it just proves she lacks good material for her bullying. 

I guess we're supposed to feel sorry for Vicki since the thought of helping Briana move to Oklahoma makes her “want to have diarrhea.” I guess we should be glad she doesn't actually have diarrhea, but just wants to have diarrhea. Maybe then she could find a bedspread to sit on. Then she'd be able to give Briana a going away gift that expresses how she truly feels about her leaving. 

Anyway, both Vicki and Shannon show up late to Heather's “don't you wish you were me?” groundbreaking party. I can't blame them, as even Lizzie admitted the whole thing made her a little jealous. I'm not sure why Heather cared whether or not these two showed up in time for the actual “ceremony,” which was really about everyone bowing to Heather and Terry and beaming up at them like obedient house slaves or robots.

I'm hoping at least one person wrote something obscene on one of the notes that's going to be buried under the house, which will then be built on the “good graces” of the Dubrow's friends. I'm wondering if planting a foundation on a seething jar of jealousy and resentment is really the best thing for stability in earthquake country, but whatever works!

While I don't blame Heather for being a little ticked that Shannon showed up late, it probably wasn't necessary to bring it up. However, it also wasn't necessary for Shannon to have a massive meltdown about it, though I suspect a lot of the sniveling was really misdirected rage at David for ignoring her request that he come home early. Does anyone else give this marriage ten minutes?

David may not be a prize, but for Shannon to flip out that her husband not only did shots without her, but did them with (gasp!) a woman she did not know (and is engaged to a baseball legend and could give a crap about David, I'm sure) seems to suggest she's not the easiest person to live with. Given last week's Chairgate, I'm wondering if Shannon might be drinking too much fair-trade coffee. If not, she really should consider some kind of nutty-twiggy relaxation therapy so she can take it down a notch. I'm sure David would appreciate it. 

Because no one on this show ever really irons out their problems with another person directly, as that would be too logical, Shannon complains about Heather to Vicki and Heather complains about Shannon to Tamra, and when Tamra proves to be less than supportive, Heather takes her case to Terry, who then goes back to Tamra and Vicki to ask why everyone is being mean to his wife. Ironically, the message everyone likes to convey is, “You should talk to her.” Exactly!

I guess Shannon and Heather do speak to one another next week, when they've had time to really let their hurt feelings fester and become painful, like infected bug bites. I'm guessing Tamra will also be ringing up Heather for a sit-down, since her ride on the mechanical bull did not go smoothly. I'm thinking there was some (try a lot) of creative editing to make it sound as if Heather insisted that Tamra's ride be set on high speed.

I didn't get the impression that anyone other than the guy who runs the ride was allowed to set the speed of it (because, duh, lawsuit), but that wouldn't be a good story. Still, if Heather really did ask that Tamra's ride be set on high and then went to great lengths to point a finger of blame elsewhere, that would be dirty pool. It would be, but since I didn't see the words actually coming out of Heather's mouth (go ahead, watch the scene), I don't buy it. Sneaky, “RHOOC,” very sneaky. 

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