It’s time for another pulse-racing installment of “American Idol,” kids!
Or at least it’s time to twiddle our thumbs for 50 minutes and then wonder if a shocker is in store. Click through and follow the twiddling as it progresses.
8:00 p.m. ET. Tonight’s results are all about determining who gets to go home for the triumphant visits to local FOX affiliations and who just gets to go home in abject shame.
8:02 p.m. Jennifer Lopez is like a billowy white angel.
8:03 p.m. There are lots of fans forming squealing lines in the middle of the stage. It’s strange.
8:03 p.m. I’m using a picture of Phillip Phillips, because it’s a good picture. I also assume he isn’t going home. But anything could happen!
8:04 p.m. Earth Angel J-Lo will be performing tonight, as will David Cook. But not together. Because that would be weird. Oh and everybody in the “Idol” audience is getting tickets for one show on the “Idol” Tour.
8:04 p.m. Our Group Sing is a harmonically challenged cover of “California Dreamin’.” We may have two guys and two gals, but The Mamas & The Papas they are not. The vocals are mediocre and overproduced, but they’re masterful compared to the lackluster choreography. Best moment? Joshua Ledet awkwardly ducking under the tented arms of Jessica Sanchez and Hollie Cavanagh.
8:09 p.m. We’re going behind the scenes of this week’s Ford Singing Commercial. It’s awesome, because it’s like a commercial for a commercial. Everybody talks about how awesome electric cars are and how “Idol” is excited to showcase this awesome car. Because why should we only spend a minute on the commercial when we could be spending three or four minutes plugging for Ford.
8:11 p.m. Geez. This is why you watch bonus features on DVDs *after* you watch the movie. The magic is all gone. The illusion? Lost forever. I do like the “writing in car window condensation” overlap with Hollie in the Ford commercial and Rory Gilmore on “Mad Men” this week. I hope all of the “Idol” fans made the same leap.
8:13 p.m. Phi-Phil is being judged first. Jimmy Iovine suggests that the jazz sax on “Have You Ever Seen The Rain” was Phil-Phil’s idea and he views this as a positive. More than that, Jimmy thinks Phil-Phil’s Damien Rice cover was everything coming together for the singer. Phil-Phil wants to go home, but in a good way, not a bad way.
8:16 p.m. After 70 million votes, Phil-Phil is… not going to hear his fate for a while. Ryan confuses Phil-Phil, who hugs him thinking he’s safe. No. Ryan has to explain to Phil that he’s not necessarily safe. J-Lo squirms attractively.
8:17 p.m. Hollie Cavanagh’s up next for judgement. Jimmy Iovine liked her cover of Journey’s “Faithfully.” He’s much less enthusiastic about “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” saying that she didn’t understand the song. He specifically criticizes Hollie for hitting “the opera button” on the chorus, accusing her of crashing and burning.
8:23 p.m. David Cook’s here and performing “The Last Song I’ll Write For You.” As adult contemporary rock songs go, this is just fine. I mean, it’s better than watching the Red Sox play these days. So it’s got that going for it…
8:30 p.m. Back into “results” mode with Joshua. Jimmy wasn’t a fan of Joshua’s song choice with “You Raise Me Up,” criticizing him for bringing in too much gospel. However, Jimmy calls Joshua’s cover of “A Man’s Man’s Man’s World” magic, saying “it was so, so captivating.” Jimmy notes a very specific Joshua problem: How are they going to find anything new and original to give Joshua that’ll match what he did with the James Brown classic.
8:33 p.m. Jessica is the last to be judges. Interestingly, Jimmy is bored with Jessica’s growling and he didn’t love her Etta James impersonation on her first performance. However, Jimmy calls Jessica’s second performance “shock and awe,” in a good way.
8:40 p.m. Ha. Ryan calls J-Lo the show’s “matriarch.”
8:41 p.m. Jennifer Lopez is a pretty woman.
8:42 p.m. Fly Girls 4 Eva.
8:48 p.m. Back to results. “We’ve seen Phillip evolve. We’ve seen him go from ‘I don’t care’ to finding out who he is and still not caring,” Steven Tyler says of Phil-Phil. I don’t understand. J-Lo remembers Hollie’s first audition like it was yesterday. She’s very proud of Hollie, calling this show “a real journey.” Randy recalls Joshua’s first audition for last season’s show and says he’s grown by leaps and bounds. “The sky’s the limit. Dude. You are ready for anything,” Randy tells Josh. Nobody has much to say to or about Jessica.
8:51 p.m. The first person in our Top 3 is… Jessica Sanchez. OK. That’s fine.
8:52 p.m. The second person in our Top 3 is… Joshua Ledet. OK. That’s fine, too.
8:52 p.m. It’s down to Hollie and Phil-Phil. After the break…
8:56 p.m. Ryan references the history of surprises at this stage.
8:57 p.m. The third person in our Top 3 is…Phillip Phillips.
8:56 p.m. That means that Hollie Cavanagh is our eliminated contestant. No complaint there, at least not for me. And I honestly believe that this could be the most wide-open Top 3 in recent years. Anything could happen next week.
8:58 p.m. Hollie isn’t shocked and she makes no outward sign of sadness. She smiles and hugs all of her fellow contestants as she makes her way through “The Climb.” Best Bud Joshua looks to be much more emotional than Hollie is.
8:59 p.m. Poor Josh! So sad.
9:00 p.m. Hugs. Everywhere hugs.
You OK with tonight’s results?