We’re only two weeks into the “Big Brother” season, but thanks to the pre-game elimination of Jodi, Willie’s borderline insanity and Kara’s run-of-the-mill ousting, we’re already three players down. If 21st Century William Katt Frank is able to complete his Head of Household reign by booting either Danielle or JoJo, we’re going to have four players out in two weeks.
Does anybody else sense a “shocking” twist coming? Perhaps the shocking twist that we’ve all foreseen since the premiere?
Click through to see what happens on Thursday’s (July 26) “Big Brother”…
9:01 p.m. ET. Yeah, we talked enough about Britney’s “crazy” theory in that “Previously on…” segment that it’s going to be the least surprising surprise in the history of surprises if that’s the surprise.
9:03 p.m. How many Julie Chen Is My Homegirl t-shirts does Frank have? If I watched the live feeds would I see him doing laundry 24-7? I hope so…
9:03 p.m. Bare shoulders tonight from Julie Chen.
9:05 p.m. “Things haven’t been going so well for Danielle this week.” says Danielle, who probably lacks the necessary status to warrant talking about herself in the third person. JoJo’s vowing to fight, to make it clear that there are reasons to get rid of Danielle instead of her.
9:06 p.m. Dan’s “I’m going to abandon Danielle to motivate her” strategy has left Danielle a crying mess. “Dan’s plan, really really hurt my feelings,” Danielle says, adding that she’s forgiven her coach.
9:07 p.m. In the Have-Nots room, Shane and JoJo are… flirting or strategizing or something. Ian is “a little skeeved out.” Shane is telling JoJo he doesn’t kiss smokers. JoJo is telling Shane she brushed her teeth. Ian, playing with a teddy bear, says that Shane is “over there trying to board the Staten Island Ferry.” This news isn’t received so well by Danielle, who thought *she* got to have the showmance with Shane. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” Danielle says.
9:09 p.m. Janelle, Danielle and Ashley are curled up having banal guy talk. Ashley admits that she has a crush on Shane, but “He’s becoming emancipated.” I think she means emaciated. Danielle doesn’t have a clue. It goes on. And on. Danielle shares her insecurities about losing to Staten Island. Janelle, a veteran of showmances herself, is suddenly concerned and she decides she wants JoJo out. Well-played, Danielle. Very well-played.
9:11 p.m. Danielle pulls JoJo aside and decides to do a little coaching. She tells Staten Island to be quiet, to say nothing to anybody. “It has to be nothing but pink roses and rainbows coming out of your mouth,” Danielle tells JoJo. In the Diary Room, Danielle’s impression of JoJo is fantastic. “Danielle’s smart. Smarter than you think she is,” Britney cautions Mike Boogie, trying to take control. Mike, however, thinks that keeping Danielle around make sense, because if Dan sticks around and Coaches come back into the game, they’ll need his vote. Good point. But Britney says that Mike would be able to convince Ian to join them. Good point. So many good points!
9:17 p.m. Remember that thing where Willie decided to claim the crown of Worst Hantz in Reality TV History? We’re reliving it now. In a live segment, Julie asks the hamsters how they felt when Willie went nuts. Joe yells something. SHHHHHHHH. Stop yelling, Joe. “It got intense. I just wanted to make sure I was protected,” Joe says. “First off, I was extremely worried about my safety,” says Ian, who wanted to use the skills he learned as an RA at Tulane to break things up.
9:20 p.m. Remember that thing where everybody pretended to be a corn chip? “I thought it was incredible. He did the most amazing job,” says a pleasantly tarted up Britney of Shane’s Power of Veto victory.
9:20 p.m. What does Dr. Will have to say about the Coaches? Dr. Will, looking more like a scary soap opera character than ever before, reminds us that he actually is a doctor. Dr. Will says that Mike is doing a “phenomenal” job, praising him for turning Frank into his own Frankenstein. Dr. Will worries, however, that Mike’s ego will get in the way. “As far as the other Coaches go, their play is lackluster,” Dr. Will criticizes. “If Kermit the Frog and Ryan Seacrest had a baby, the baby would be Dan,” Dr. Will says, but he suggests that Dan prioritizes “hot ass” over quality players. “If your players are getting evicted for violence, you’re doing a terrible job,” Dr. Will says of Britney. Dr. Will thinks Janelle needs to win this season to redeem her two previous losses. Dr. Will has a dark horse prediction for the game’s winner: Ian. He thinks Mike is just a 40-year-old Ian. Fair enough.
9:24 p.m. We get a chance to change the game. Yay!
9:27 p.m. Time to join William Katt in the HoH room. This dialogue ensues. Frank: “Are you my homegirl?” Julie Chen: “Are you my home skillet?” Wow. I never need to hear Julie Chen say that ever again. Frank says he’s having a blast with Mike Boogie. Frank says he may bond with Shane or he may be playing him. He also calls her “Jules.” Frank insists he trusts Janelle and her players.
9:29 p.m. Final pleas from JoJo and Danielle. JoJo, wearing an astounding short skirt, says that she came into the game wanting to backstab and be fake, but she couldn’t. She tells everybody that she’s been loyal and that everybody’s making a mistake if they vote her out. Danielle, wearing a coral pageant dress, loves all of us. She says she’d be a great asset to each of them.
9:31 p.m. First to vote is Wil, who votes to evict “Little Miss Hypocrite JoJo.” Hmmm… Joe yells that he’s voting to evict “JoJo Dancer.” Ashley votes to evict her “Homegirl JoJo.”
9:36 p.m. Himbo Shane votes to evict Danielle. Cold, Shane. Cold. Ian, speaking for Mike Boogie, votes to evict JoJo. That’s officially it for JoJo. Jenn only rubs salt into that wound, voting to evict JoJo.
9:38 p.m. Julie announces that by a vote of 5-1, JoJo and her precariously short skirt have been eliminated. Because of her bracelets, this is the most jangle-y “Big Brother” farewell ever. Adjusting herself every step of the way, JoJo makes through the crowd to Julie. What did JoJo whisper to Shane? She said “Good luck, babe.” In what way did Shane tell JoJo that he loves her? Ewww. JoJo thinks she proved herself and that she fought her heart out in every competition and she thinks others in the House don’t have the same fight and heart. She admits that she made a mistake in sticking with Willie. “I guess I’m just too loyal,” she says. “She has a lot of heart. I definitely think that of the four Coaches she’s the underdog,” JoJo says kindly.
9:42 p.m. Messages. “Maybe the house could only handle one New Yorker,” Jenn says. “I enjoyed our conversation about making out and stuff,” Shane says. “I’m glad you out there and not me,” Danielle says. Danielle says that JoJo should have stayed back. I love the way JoJo thinks she can talk back to the messages on the screen. She really isn’t capable of just sitting back and listening, is she?
9:48 p.m. The power is up for grabs. For some reason it’s a Winter Sports theme. The hamsters have to use a hockey stick to hit a ball in the direction of a variety of numbered scores. We’ve seen variations on this challenge many times before. It’s not very interesting, at least until Julie Chen tells the contestants that they’re taking too long. The contestants all approach the challenge as if there’s a strategy and an intellectual approach. It’s utter dumb luck. Shane scores a “20,” which doesn’t mean he did anything well, but it’s enough to win him Head of Household and to guarantee that Team Britney’s going to be around for another week. Yay!
9:52 p.m. Maybe Julie will explain the twist to us when we return? Sigh…
9:55 p.m. So? So?!? SO?!?!?!?
9:55 p.m. “It’s insane,” Shane tells Julie of his new HoH status. Adorably giddy Britney is “so excited.”
9:56 p.m. OK, America. You get to vote on whether the Coaches will remain Coaches or enter the game to compete for the $500,000 prize. Guess what? There isn’t a chance on Earth that this vote isn’t going to bring the Coaches back into the game.
Are you going to vote?