So, it’s week two for our designers and, with no choice but to stare at Rafael’s empty bed while making snide comments about him (oh wait, that’s just Kimberly), they muse on their futures. Josh C. is feeling nervous. He should be. Those shorts were terrible last week, truly terrible
Finally, it’s time to leave Atlas to see Heidi. As she only gives the designers hints as to what they’ll be doing and no actual information, I think this is just an excuse for Heidi to show off what she’s wearing this week. Heidi uses the word “leash.” Josh M. thinks S&M. Oh, Josh M., that’s much too easy. And you’re much too excited about it anyway. Josh M. likes costumey things. Never would have guessed. I think there will come a point in the competition when the judges question his taste.
Tim invites the designers to Petland Discounts. It’s going to be a wacky pet store challenge! The designers all act surprised, as if they’ve never watched the show before. And this is worse than a party store how? Anyway, the designers seem to think they’re going to have to skin live mice or something. Tim Gunn issues a warning — DON’t USE A LOT OF FABRIC! This will come back to haunt someone. It always does.
Hmm, Tim may need to be explicit that there will be no killing and skinning of animals. Just a thought. Some of these designers want to win BAD. Oh, wait, someone actually asks if live animals were off, and Tim Gunn said, very very quickly, they were. Thank you, Tim.
Cecilia is going to think outside the litter box. I fear her, but she is funny. Just as long as she leaves her spear at home.
Right after Tim warns everyone not to use too much traditional fabric, Bert starts yanking out the dog beds. He has immunity, so he doesn’t care. He really should care a bit, but oh well.
Laura Kathleen is going to make a refined outfit. Funny, when I think Laura Kathleen the last word to come to mind is refined.
Back at the work room, it’s like preschool but everyone’s hot gluing hamster bedding instead of macaroni necklaces. Viktor is going to pee on his wee-wee pads. He’s joking. I hope. But he knows he’s going to win. That’s usually a good indicator he won’t. But it’s good to be confident, Viktor!
Josh M. believes in more is more. Not on this show, pal.
Laura Kathleen has been shopping at Neiman’s since she was single digits. Thus, she knows quality. Oh, honey, being a label whore does not a sense of taste make. It would be easier for me to accept her argument if it did not appear as if she had stolen a drag queen’s bleached-out weave.
Tim visits. He loves Viktor’s Depends dress, though I wish he wouldn’t call it that. He warns Bert his crappy dress could tick off the judges and revise their high opinion of him. Bert does not seem to care. I think I might be revising my high opinion of Bert right this minute. Tim likes Josh C.’s top and he’s fine with Olivier’s dog bed top. He thinks Julie’s model might move like a mortar board. Lots of encouragement all around. Tim wonders if Josh M. can actually put his outfit together in the time allotted. Kimberly thinks Becky’s designs are homely. Combined with her catty comment about Rafael trying out for a Beyonce look-alike contest, Kimberly is turning out to be the bitch of the season.
Model fittings! Julie’s model does not look excited about wearing a dog food bag, and who can blame her? Viktor made his dress too tight. Bryce thinks Bert has a crummy attitude. Of course, Bryce is in a bad mood given that he’s making a pee pee pad dress.
Laura Kathleen discovers that her model is a foot taller than her and her ass is hanging out of her Elizabethan dog collar skirt. Yeah, that can’t go down the runway unless “Project Runway” wants to run on the Playboy channel.
The Joshes are bests. Julie feels like she’s up bleep creek. What was she thinking using dog food bags for material? The weaving looks like children did it. The only way to make paper flexible is to work in very, very narrow strips and possibly distress the finished material. Children know this. I have zero faith in Julie.
Plugging time! The models can go to the L’Oreal make-up room and the Garnier Fructis hair salon. and the designers can use the Piperlime accessories wall. Zzzzzzz…. too…. much… product… placement…
One designer requests Courtney Love hair. Courney Love hair = slept in. Huh. That’s what we’re calling it these days. And glossy, glowy hair = Garnier hair. Okay, stylist, we get it. We know who’s cutting your checks, just calm down.
Runway time! Heidi, Nina Garcia, Michael Kors and Stacey Bendet (founder of Alice + Olivia) will be judging.
rope dog toys, potty training pads
I love the top. I don’t love gray and brown together and tie-dye is pretty three years ago if you ask me, but nice job. Like the belt.
dog bed, aquarium seaweed
The skirt’s interesting, but the high-waisted thing with the strapless top is not working.
Anthony Ryan Auld
Very, very elegant. Dig the neckline, most definitely. There’s some gaping in the back, but hey, it’s birdseed.
dog bed, bird cage netting
Oh. Bert. This is so blah, and the pink trim on the netting is just obnoxious. Ugh.
leashes, dog food bags
Oh my Lord of the Rings (to quote Viktor). I think she’s going home. This is terrible.
leashes, dog rope toys
I love this top. Adorable. Anya is absolutely a natural talent. But I wonder if the skirt will be considered too much fabric.
hamster beddings, potty training pads
The proportions of this outfit are all wrong, and the top looks like it was stolen from Water World’s mermaid exhibition. Bryce thinks he could be in trouble, and I have to agree.
dog pillow, aquarium tubing
Kimberly says architectural, but I think it looks like a giant cat snagged it with its claw.
umbrella, reptile cage lining
This looks very department store sales rack, juniors section.
potty training pads
It’s really hard to believe these are wee wee pads, which speaks to how solid this is.
dog collars, hamster bedding
I like the back, but there are some fit issues. The top gaps and the cut of the neckline is a little odd.
dog bed, hamster bedding
I do like the dog bed top, but the skirt makes her look a bit chunky because of the hamster bedding. I would have liked a stronger belt.
I like the bodice and the feathers, but the colors make me seasick.
cat-scratch cardboard, leashes
It’s not terrible, but I doubt she could sit down in that skirt. Just saying.
aquarium rocks, reptile cage lining
I like the fluorescent top, I even like the gauzy skirt. The bracelet and shoes are very Balenciaga a few seasons back. But I don’t like the silver doodad hanging from her waistline, and her make-up makes her look like a Bratz doll.
Danielle, Julie, Laura, Viktor, Becky, Cecilia, Kimberly, Anya and Bert are all safe. Heidi tells Bert he’s lucky to have immunity. He agrees.
Why the heck is Julie safe? That dress was disgusting. Seriously, disgusting.
Bryce is first. Michael hates ugly napkin clothes. They never look right, the styling is terrible and there’s nothing interesting about it. Nina thinks she looks like she’s from the Blue Man Group. There’s no balance. Stacey isn’t a fan of voluminous wee wee pads.
Yes, Bryce’s look is terrible. But where’s Julie?
Anthony Ryan explains his human bird feeder. Heidi likes the silhouette and the fact that Anthony was the only one to use seeds. Stacey loves it. Michael thinks she could wear the dress to a party. Nina think it’s beautiful, it’s dramatic but simple. Nina loves Olivier’s look. She loved the little plastic band. Wow, you can barely see it on TV, but okay. She thinks it’s editorial. Michael loves the ombre. Heidi thinks he manipulated the materials to make them sophisticated. Stacey isn’t a fan of the eyebrows. Neither is Michael. I totally disagree. These people must hate John Galliano. And not just because of his whole racist meltdown thing. I think it’s very couture runway, which increasingly has nothing to do with “Project Runway,” to tell the truth.
Heidi doesn’t like that Josh C. used an umbrella. Michael thinks he used conventional materials in conventional shapes. Nina thinks it’s just okay. Stacey thinks she’d be in a college bar.
Nina thinks Josh M.’s dress is great except for the parrot mirror. Overkill, Josh M.! Heidi loves the outfit, though. She thinks it’s modern and unique. But she wants to wash her make-up off. Stacey loves sparkle, so she loves the outfit, bu the make-up is too much. Michael thinks she’s too sea Barbie vixen, and he didn’t need to try so hard. LISTEN to the judges, Josh M.! More is not more on this show! Though I thought the shoes were a great touch. But hey, I’m not Michael Kors.
Heidi thinks Fallene’s silhouette is too simple. Nina hates the color combination and thinks it looks dated. Stacey thinks she looks like a boob in a skirt (to quote Heidi). Michael thinks there’s nothing interesting about the materials. He thinks she’s Miss Pumpkin. I think it looks like a fall color palette. Big whoop. Didn’t Julie use, oh, BROWN AND RED on her ugly ass dress? This is really ticking me off. The judges are so clearly playing favorites here. They saw something in Julie’s portfolio that enticed them and she’s bulletproof, even though she’s clearly not living up to their expectations.
The judges fight about which one they like better — Anthony or Olivier. They knock Anthony for his skirt being too short and Anthony for his top being too bulky.
Olivier is the winner. Heidi tells Anthony Ryan she was his favorite, but she was overruled. Josh M. is in.
Bryce is… safe? Incredible. Josh C…. is out. Fallene is in.
Okay, last week Josh C. dodged a bullet, but I stand by my argument that his outfit wasn’t the worst this week. Bad, sure, but not the worst. He got thumped for playing it safe, for using a doggie umbrella, but at least his outfit was passably wearable. Homeless people wouldn’t wear Julie’s piece of crap.
Josh cries. He knows we’ll see him in the future. I wouldn’t go that far, but okay.
Do you think Josh deserved to go home? Do you think the judges are playing favorites? And do you think Bert’s in trouble next week?