It’s a big day for the American consumer: two new iPhones were ceremoniously revealed this morning by Apple CEO Tim Cook. There’s the iPhone 5S, which comes in a shiny gold color and has the ability to detect its owner’s fingerprint oh my god the future, and the cheaper and more brightly colored iPhone 5C which will retail for just $99.
The best part of this big reveal? It gave comedians on Twitter something new to mock. Here’s a round-up of all the best Apple-themed tweets:
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
– Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) September 10, 2013
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I HOPE THE NEW PHONE LETS YOU CALL PEOPLE?
– Aaron Blitzstein (@BlitznBeans) September 10, 2013
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New iPhone colors a big hit with scuba divers.
– Danforth France (@danforthfrance) September 10, 2013
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If the new iPhone doesn’t have a Steve Jobs hologram in place of Siri, Apple needs to go back to the drawing board.
– Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 10, 2013
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What if Steve Jobs decided to be totally hilarious in his will and the new iPhone just turns out to be a horse’s hoof
– Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) September 10, 2013
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Unless the camera on the new iPhone can see ghosts, I AM OUT.
– Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) September 10, 2013
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“And here it is, the iPhone 5S. The only one, actually,” Tim Cook says. The doors lock. “So,” he asks. “Who wants it the most?”
– John O’Connor (@johntoconnor) September 10, 2013
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Hey, Apple: Don’t waste my time with this iPhone 5S unless it’s learned that nobody’s ever typing “ducking he’ll.”
– caprice crane (@capricecrane) September 10, 2013
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“The new iPhone can suck my dick!” – Bill Gates, and he’s right, that is a feature.
– JohnRossBowie (@JohnRossBowie) September 10, 2013
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New iPhone colors: champagne, graphite, vanilla, dirt, Kutcher, pink slime, dark twerk.
– Miles Kahn (@mileskahn) September 10, 2013
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Sorry IPhone, Samsung just came out with areola ID.
– Paula Pell (@perlapell) September 10, 2013
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It’s reassuring to know that a phone will be able to identify me by my fingerprint even though I’m still figuring out who I am
– Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 10, 2013
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I want a gold iPhone more than I want to cure my mom’s alcoholism.
– Adam Wilson ????? (@theleanover) September 10, 2013