Now that the 2011 MTV Movie Awards have faded into the haze of incessant reruns, it is time for me to fondly look back on the show that was and reminisce about what I’ve learned. After all, it wasn’t just promos for “Teen Wolf.” Even if it kinda felt that way.
1) As fast as the censors are with their bleep button, Robert Pattinson is just that much faster. Yes, MTV will probably have to pay through the nose for RPatt’s F-bomb, but that’s just one of the reasons why I love live television (the other being wardrobe malfunctions).
2) Whether I want to admit it or not, Justin Bieber has guts. While every other guy on the show dressed in industrial revolution shades of gray and black, Bieber rocked a bright blue “Miami Vice” blazer and white jeans and ended up looking like the only guy there who was the least bit happy about being there. Even if he did pretend to show up late in one of the many, many tired bits of the night.
3) As much as I love Reese Witherspoon, there is something vaguely unsettling about watching the mother of two best known for bubbly (“Legally Blonde”) and morally starchy (“Walk the Line”) roles finish Pattinson’s joke about being a “motherf*&$#@!.” Especially after delivering a lecture about how today’s young women don’t have to do trashy reality TV to get ahead. She tiptoed around the moral high ground like a parent who wants to reprimand her kid and still sneak her a candy bar. And it’s too bad — if I want anyone to give a lecture (and/or deliver a rap on the nose to Blake Lively, intended or not), it’s going to be Reese.
4) Jokes about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate kid aren’t going to go over big with a viewership too young to have seen the “Terminator” movies, too young to vote and who (perhaps rightly) think Scharzenegger’s just a gross old guy.
5) Jason Sudeikis needs better writers. And if he’s writing his own stuff? He still needs better writers.
6) Gary Busey in a hamster ball? Not funny. “Black Swan” sex scene skits? Not funny. Bad movie theme songs? Not funny. Show overall? Not funny. The lesson? MTV needs to reevaluate this show — even if that means junking it completely. These days it’s more often a car wreck than not, and kids today don’t need a groaningly unfunny venue in which to see their favorite movie stars — they have Leno for that.
7) Even after all these years, KStew and RPatt are still hopelessly awkward without scripts and characters to work with. In this age of media training and PR spin, we kind of love that about them. They’re perfect together. Unless you do PR for them.
8) If Amanda Bynes is going to go to awards shows wearing bandage dresses (can this trend be over? Now? Sorry, Hever Leger) and hooker shoes, she should have just stayed retired. She’s too cute to try so hard.