What If Ayn Rand Had Written Harry Potter?


If there are two things high schoolers love, it's Harry Potter and thinking they've discovered the secrets of the universe by reading 'Atlas Shrugged.' The former will become a lifelong love, the latter an embarrassing blip reminding us all of a time when we were righteous self-centered pompous twits who thought we knew everything.

Mallory Ortberg of The Toast ingeniously decided to mash the two together in perhaps the most hilariously pretentious fan fiction ever conceived. Randian philosophy and the dystopian wizarding world of Harry Potter are oddly complementary. You can almost see an alternate universe where Harry is a champion of objectivism to the bafflement of everyone around him.

So far Ortberg has penned two uproariously entertaining pieces: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Objectivism and Harry Potter The Chamber of Secrets. The first even has a tonally appropriate cover to go with it. Flawless.

If you aren't entirely convinced, I've pulled some choice excerpts below. If you love Harry Potter and love/hate Ayn Rand, you won't be disappointed.

Need more? Of course you do! Head over to The Toast to start from the beginning.

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