The fine people at Trip Advisor have released their 2011 list of the dirtiest hotels in America, based on the online recommendations – or in this case terrible criticisms – by the poor souls who have had to find out the hard way. Leading the way is the Grand Resort Hotel and Convention Center in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, of which one review cites a half-inch of dirt in a bathtub, as well as a disgusting collection of hair. My favorite selection is No. 3 – Daytona Beach’s famous Desert Inn, where I spent 5 wonderful weekends throughout college partying with random girls. *sniffs, wipes away single tear* I still miss those girls whose names I never learned in order to remember.
But some guys aren’t fortunate enough to be stuck at a beach resort, surrounded by shameless, half-naked sorority coeds. That’s why some brilliant people invented pornography and some even more brilliant people thought to make it available for a few bucks in hotel rooms. Except now the people at Marriott have said, “To heck with your wanton desires, TO HECK!” Marriott chains across the world are yanking and stroking adult films right out the doors, so horndog travelers are going to have to use their imaginations when making messes of their beds.
Hopefully recent news from the American Institute of Architects will mean more porn-friendly hotels on the horizon. The AIA predicts that 2011 will see a 2% decrease in commercial construction, but that it will all bounce back with a 5% increase in 2012. The driving force behind the rebound is expected to be the hotel industry, as new travel destinations are expected to pop up in the next two years. The problem with that, though, is the increased lending and energy consumption that comes along with new buildings. My solution? More expensive in-room porn.
- And here are the 10 dirtiest, nastiest hotels in America. Sleep tight! (Trip Advisor)
- Marriott hotels will no longer provide pornos, so make them yourself. (Deseret News)
- Construction in the U.S. will rebound by 2012 thanks to new hotels. Still no porn. (Reuters)
- A man in New Port Richey, Florida is spending some time in jail after he beat the snot out of his roommate during an argument. The victim called the police but his roommate struck the phone from his hand and continued to beat him. All over a dirty toilet. Because, you know, it’s Florida. (970 AM – WFLA)
- Wild Acres Park in Overland, Missouri is taking the next logical step in providing a natural park experience, as officials are doing away with long-standing portable toilets and installing new green toilets. The composting toilets will save thousands of dollars for something much more important – resigning Albert Pujols. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Hotels, motels and Holiday Inns accounted for 1.9 million jobs across the U.S. in 2008, with the concentration of these jobs being major cities and resort towns. 74% of hotels employ 20 or less people, which explains why you can never get a good wake-up call. (Bureau of Labor and Statistics)
- Online travel agencies can take as much as 25% of your nightly hotel fee as a finder‘s charge, and yet hotels have sat by and watched as OTA market share has risen from 25.4% to 37.5%. So the next time you book a trip, try bargaining directly with the hotel for improved amenities at the same price. (Loyalty Traveler)