Yesterday, my Uproxxian cohort Dan Seitz brought you the news that millionaires don’t consider themselves rich unless they have at least $7.5 million. I don’t remember if that refers to assets, cash or Beanie Babies, but the point is that even if you’re bragging to people about having $7.499 million, your peers still think you’re poor. Well, sit down on your poor leather couch and press the mute button on your poor 70-inch LED TV, because I have some more bad news for you.
Au Snap, You’re Being Audited
The IRS has finally caught on to you wealthy folk and your dirty schemes to protect your money from being subject to America’s barbaric tax system (just kidding, guys who are going to ask why I deducted grain alcohol!). Americans with an income over $10 million are now twice as likely to be audited as they were last year, as the IRS is focusing on the wealthy as a whole, instead of individually as in the past. And somewhere an elementary school teacher and single mother of four are having a good laugh.
Good News For ID Forgers
A British study of more than 5,000 13-year olds has revealed that children from wealthy families are more likely to drink alcohol than kids from poor families. Additionally, more than 33% of the teens admitted to having had more than three drinks on one occasion. The researchers attribute the tendency to more booze being available in the homes of wealthy families. But I like to think it’s because the drinking age in Europe is 2.
Don’t Worry, China Still Has Money
A Chinese coal baron spent more than 10 million Yuan, or $1.5 million, to make a Red Tibetan Mastiff named Big Splash the most expensive dog in the world. The big red slobber machine is only 11-months old but already weighs 85 pounds, or one Mary Kate Olsen. The rare dog is prized because it is indigenous to Tibet and the Chinese believe they carry the spirits of holy monks. Also they pull $10,000 a pop to breed, so that thing just needs to have sex 151 times to turn a profit. His name should be Lucky.
- IRS auditing the wealthy even more, wealthy hide their money even better. (Advisor One)
- Teens of wealthy families are more likely to drink. This shocks no one. (Imperfect Parent)
- China produces world’s most expensive dog, lacks built-in fridge. (Indian Express)
- More than 80,000 people applied to win the title of Charlie Sheen’s intern, and the lucky few who moved on to the second round were announced this week, including porn star Isis Taylor. Also included? Me and everyone else who filled out the first round application. (The Daily Shuffle)
- Normally when male teenagers get involved with candle making, the fathers will go out for cigarettes and never come home. But in the case of a 13-year old Ohio boy who created pizza-, sawdust- and leather-scented candles, he’s an American hero. (Daily Mail)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- In 2007, the number of audits of people making over $1 million per year rose to 31,382, which was an 84% increase from 2006. That means that less than 6,000 millionaires were audited in 2006, which should make you feel great when you’re declaring your unemployment wages. (Tax and Controversy)
- The IRS believes that anywhere from 80 to 95% of Americans employing babysitters, nannies and housekeepers are lying and cheating on their taxes. And 100% of American men employing hot babysitters, nannies and housekeepers want to cheat on their wives. (NY Times)