Guess Who’s WINNING
7 Crimes Inspired By Badly Chosen Pop Culture

What Can’t Anne Hathaway Do?

By / 03.07.11

Oh, Miss Hathaway.

Dan Mirvish noticed an interesting trend: shares of Berkshire Hathaway stock rise as much as 2.61% whenever Anne Hathaway is in the news.  Mirvish theorizes that older, automated trading programs are buying BRK.A shares when the keyword “Hathaway” is unusually popular, programmed under the assumption that the stock must be good for a short term profit if it’s mentioned in the news often.  That’s a possible explanation, but we’d like to believe Anne Hathaway is just magical, and the key to boosting our economy is to post many, many pictures of her across all media platforms.  That picture above?  You’re welcome, economy.

Woop woop woop woop

A 22-year-old College of Charleston student was punched in the face after his impersonation of Zoidberg from Futurama was taken to be an insult by another man walking on the same sidewalk.  The student says he was impersonating “a lobster doctor that walks sideways with his claws out and makes noise” at 2 A.M. when another man said “What did you say to me?”  Friends of “Zoidberg” told the man he wasn’t being spoken to, but the man wasn’t convinced, following “Zoidberg” for about 20 feet and then punching him in the face.  The student was treated for a chipped tooth and a possibly-broken nose.

Banksy to the rescue.

Last month we mentioned that the guerilla art group Voina (“War”) in Russia painted a 65 meter (~213 ft) penis on a bascule bridge which would face the Federal Security Services (successor of the KGB) building when raised.  Two members of Voina have been held indefinitely in jail for the past three months awaiting trial, but not any longer.  They’ve been bailed out of jail by Banksy, who put up the 300,000 roubles (US $10,650) for their release.  Meanwhile, the group’s penis graffiti was nominated for a state prize for contemporary art before being pulled from contention for unexplained reasons a week later (people love pulling penis graffiti).

[news-links]

  • Berkshire Hathaway stock rises whenever Anne Hathaway is in the news. (HuffPo)
  • Man punched for impersonating Zoidberg. (ComedyCentral)
  • Banksy bailed out the Russian penis graffiti artists. (BBC)

[/news-links]

[news-morenews]

  • I’m just going to leave this headline here: “Monkeys in pirate costumes confiscated from autistic woman” (Arbroath)
  • A group of sixth graders in Washington were expelled for starting a “fight club”.  We’re guessing they have no clue what the book was actually about. (TheNewsTribune)
  • Thieves in New Zealand broke into a prison and stole a big-screen TV then left without being caught.  Inmates may have been heard saying, “Wait, we can just leave?” (Stuff)
  • Software has been developed to match police sketches to similar mug shots on file. We gon’ find you, leprechaun. (Gizmag)

[/news-morenews]

KNOW YOUR STATS

  • Searching for Jersey Shore’s J-Woww is now one of the search terms most likely to lead to visiting a website with malware.  15% of search results for “J-Woww” are direct links to a malware-infected website. It’s probably still safer than meeting her in person. (Other top infected search terms at FastCompany)
  • Back in January Facebook was valued at $50 billion.  Now it’s been valued at either $65 billion or $75 billion, depending on which irrationally exuberant group’s purchase you base your valuation upon.
  • In other valuation news, home prices in 11 out of 20 major housing markets in the US have fallen to inflation-adjusted prices similar to those in the 1890s.  Number one cause of falling home prices?  Letting too many monkeys in pirate costumes run around tearing the place apart.  Please, people.  Moderation. (BoingBoing)


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