The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 7/18

By: 07.19.11

Worst: Do Divas Know You Can Tag

Witness once again the very worst thing about pro wrestling today — the 7-on-7 or 35-on-35 good guys vs. bad guys Divas tag team matches that start with two women and end with those same women about 15 seconds later. They accomplish nothing and are the biggest bullsh*t waste of time. It goes back to what I was saying earlier about how the families who came out to see the show don’t want to see the wrestlers wrestling, they just want to see the wrestlers. I guess in twenty years some kid will say “I saw Maryse live!” but won’t remember he saw her stand on the apron for a quarter of a f**king hiccup before Eve Torres yanked her off by the foot and badly forearmed her until Rosa could get the spot right.

It makes me sound like even more of a creepy wrestling nerd, but I love women’s wrestling. From the AJW of the early 90s to the American Joshi division in Anarchy Championship Wrestling today, women have repeatedly proven that they are the performance equals of any man and can be a legitimate, entertaining, money-making part of your program. Some of these women you employ are actually great at what you pretend they’re employed for. F**king utilize it.

Or release a few of them so I can try to hook up with them at Wizard World.

Worst: Kelly Kelly is a Braggart

I think Kelly’s arm is just stuck like that.

But no, seriously, how funny is it when the Brotherhood of Evil Divas are all standing around while Kelly skip-trots around in her pandering football semi-jersey with that Icing By Claire’s hunk of sh*t above her head? Then the match begins and ends without any participation from Kelly, and the bad ladies have to walk backwards up the ramp holding their jaws while Kelly proudly displays the title THAT HAD LITERALLY ZERO RELEVANCE TO ANYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED

It’s like, what are you bragging about? You more or less got the Rey Mysterio sympathy title run, Kelly, only your dead Eddie Guerrero is living in Kharma’s stomach.

Best: The Chickbusters on Raw

Speaking of women who could participate positively to a pro wrestling show, how about AJ and Kaitlyn getting space on TV to bumpslode knuckles before it was time to celebrate? I feel like they more than anyone could be the… well, let me put it this way. Do you remember the episode of The Simpsons where the Twirl King yo-yo team performs at Springfield Elementary, and Lisa thinks Sparkle is so pretty? Girls do that. Little girls lock on to the nicest seeming girl in the performance and idolize them. It’s one of the reasons why magicians have beautiful assistants. I think in a company where dumb Hawaiian Tropic model Kelly Kelly is the signature face, a couple of pretty, goofy, talented young girls who don’t get to do a lot would be — or at least, could be — WWE’s Sparkle.

In a related story, I think AJ might own more wrestling gear than anyone I’ve ever seen. She never seems to be wearing the same thing twice. Mick Foley wrestled in the same flannel shirt and sweatpants for decades. AJ has had like 8 televised matches and she’s worn something different in every one of them. I’d do the same thing, if only to point out exactly what my alternate outfits should be for the video game.

(note: put AJ and Kaitlyn in the next video game)

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