Best: Beaker, Out Of Nowhere
I didn’t like a guy with a green hand puppet showing up to interrupt a segment involving Kermit the Frog (wait, what), but once again I laughed my entire asshole off when Beaker just randomly showed up at ringside to give Santino the blue potion to help replenish his life and magic and help him win his match with Oriental Mist~ and a roll-up. The announcers being all HOW DID HE GET DOWN TO RINGSIDE was funny, too. I think Santino should maintain this Muppet loyalty and have them randomly show up Marvel Vs. Capcom style to give him abilities and assists. Like, Santino’s about to get hit with a World’s Strongest Slam and the screen flashes and Crazy Harry jumps in and explodes Mark Henry with dynamite. Or he only conducts backstage interviews with Guy Smiley. Something.
Worst: But Seriously, This Santino Thing
I mentioned it last week, but Santino should be having these comedy get-togethers with the lower ranking guys on the show, not with two borderline main-eventers trying to make something of themselves. Jack Swagger, like Dolph Ziggler before him, should not have any trouble mangling the sh*t out of Santino Marella. WWE should take a note from the 900 Swagger/Evan Bourne matches this year: it doesn’t matter if Swagger controls the match for 90 seconds, if he gets rolled up and beaten with nothing in second 91 he looks like he sucks. Wins and losses don’t matter, but HOW someone wins and HOW someone loses does.
The quicker version of the report was just this
I probably should’ve kept it that way.
Best: Dolph Ziggler Ganso-Bombing The Rough Ryder
“Dolph Ziggler falling down” is my new drug. Zack Ryder basically has Kelly Kelly’s offense against anyone else. His moves in WWE 12 are ‘kick, flapjack, Ruff Ryder’ and every other button does a snapmare. Against Ziggler he looks like a boss, and if you watch Dolph take the Ruff Ryder in that clip you’ll see what I’m talking about. Logistically, a jumping inner-thigh to the face shouldn’t do anything to you, and you should just remain static while the jumping guy loses his balance with his ass on your shoulder and falls and paralyzes himself. Ziggler understands that it hurts because of what it does to you when you hit the ground, and if you hit it like you’ve been neck-broken and throw your body backwards it can sincerely look like it Murder Death Killed you.
Worst: This Match Really Didn’t Make Sense
But yeah, just like Santino, none of this made sense. The actual physical wrestling was good, but two big questions:
1. Why have your United States Champion lose another match cleanly to a guy who didn’t beat him for the United States Championship at Vengeance?
2. Why have Ziggler get his foot on the rope and tease Ryder’s victory if you’re just going to have Ryder win anyway?
I get that Ziggler is so good at this that he’s best utilized making other people look better, but damn, Ryder wasn’t good enough to be on Raw a month ago and now he’s eaten Alex Riley’s heart absorbed his powers? I don’t know. I just want somebody to pull Daniel Bryan out of the 25-spot in the Powerless 25 if “people liking me on the Internet” is reason for a push now.