Imagining An Alternate Universe In Which Tom Brady Was Drafted No. 1 By The Browns

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The 2000 NFL Draft will be long remembered as the one that changed the fortunes of two franchises and lives of two quarterbacks. The Cleveland Browns stunned the world by using the first pick to select Tom Brady out of the University of Michigan; five rounds and 198 picks later, the New England Patriots grabbed Stanford’s Todd Husak.

Every sports fan knows the well-documented story about the diverging career paths each man took; one a four-time champion who will go down in the history books as perhaps the greatest to ever play his position and the other is Brady.

After extensive interviews with the people that were around Husak and Brady from the time of their draft to present day, both professionally and personally, an oral history like never before was compiled. Here is what we learned about two men that entered the league with wildly different expectations and results.

I. “That’s exactly the hero Cleveland needs.”

Tom Brady was thrilled to hear his name called by the Cleveland Browns.
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Tom Brady was thrilled to hear his name called by the Cleveland Browns.

Phil Neri (director of college scouting, Cleveland Browns): “Just about every scouting service in the country ranked Tom Brady very low if at all. But I’ll never forget seeing him at the scouting combine that year. There he stood, shirtless, lanky, somewhat doughy for a young athlete and I thought, ‘That’s exactly the hero Cleveland needs.’ I took it to ownership and they were enthusiastic about making a bold choice.”

Randy Lerner (owner, Cleveland Browns): “After Phil told my father, Al, the owner at the time, and myself that we should take Brady, we had a serious conversation about murdering Phil. We figured we were an extremely wealthy family and we could get away with it. Plus, Phil hadn’t told anyone else about this, so there was no way to know our motive. But after we talked for a while, we decided to go with Tom even though we didn’t think we needed a quarterback at the time.”

Don Yee (agent, Tom Brady): “I’ll never forget the call. Tom got on the phone and I told him the Browns were going to take him with the first pick. You know the sound a father makes when his son dies? That sort of high-pitched wailing? That expression of pain in its purest form? That’s the sound Tom made through the phone. He asked why God was punishing him and what he did to deserve this. I told him a Hard Rock Café just opened in Cleveland but that only seemed to make the crying worse.”

II. “Who?”

Todd Husak learns the offense during his first training camp with the Pats.
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Todd Husak learns the offense during his first training camp with the Pats.

Bill Belchick (head coach, New England Patriots): “This is stupid. I don’t want to talk about this.”

Jason Licht (college scout, Patriots): “When his name came up in our draft room that day, I was like, ‘Who? Too Who-sak?’ It got a big laugh. But really I was deflecting because I had never scouted him. So when I said, ‘Todd Husak would be the right pick here,’ I was totally guessing. Even today, I’m not sure Todd Husak is a real person.”

Michael Diamond (agent, Todd Husak): “I didn’t even realize he was my client until he called me after he heard his name on the draft telecast. But I looked it up and there it was, Todd Husak was my client.”

Drew Bledsoe (quarterback, Patriots): “No way I’m losing my job to Todd Husak. That was the only thought I had that day.”

Belichick: “Please stop calling me for this story.”

III. “What in the world were we thinking?”

Then-Browns coach Chris Palmer couldn't hide his disgust with Tom Brady's mechanics.
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Then-Browns coach Chris Palmer couldn't hide his disgust with Tom Brady's mechanics.

Chris Palmer (coach, Cleveland Browns): “The first time I saw Tom throw a pass during training camp, I cringed. He moved in the pocket like he owed the mafia money and they fitted him for cement shoes. And the hair. My goodness, the hair. He kept asking people to touch it and to tell him how soft it was. Meanwhile, the scout team is intercepting him left and right. He was always encouraging of those INTs, but man, all he cared about was hair softness.”

Phil Dawson (kicker, Cleveland Browns): “His hair was so soft.”

Chris Spielman (linebacker, Cleveland Browns): “It was like touching velvet, or an angel’s wings.”

Palmer: “I’ll never forget what he said to me after his second four-interception game, the one against the Bucs. We’re in the video room that Tuesday and he says, ‘This game would be way easier if I knew the defense’s signals and could deflate the footballs a little bit.’ I was like, yeah, man, that’s cheating and we can’t do that. He was really upset about that. … What in the world were we thinking drafting this guy with the first pick?”

Dennis Northcut (wide receiver, Cleveland Browns): “The softest damn hair you’ve ever touched, man.”

IV. “Is Husak still the backup?”

Todd Husak hoists his first of four Lombardi trophies with the Patriots.
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Todd Husak hoists his first of four Lombardi trophies with the Patriots.

Charlie Weis (offensive coordinator, New England Patriots): “When Bledsoe went down, I thought our season was over. I thought my job was over. We thought 2001 would be a make or break season for us then it happened. I’m sitting there thinking, ‘I think Mo Lewis killed Drew. Is Husak still the backup?’ But I pronounced his name wrong. I also said, ‘Send in Ted.’ That caused confusion because his name is Todd.”

Robert Kraft (owner, New England Patriots): “It was a struggle at first but Todd showed his mettle. He managed games, won games, was a leader and a winner. But toward the end of the 2001 season, I had my doubts. Then Todd put them to ease.”

Weis: “We won with Todd, but he hit a wall toward the of the season. He had two touchdowns and five picks the last four or five weeks and he seemed preoccupied. Finally, after the finale, Todd pulled me and Bill into an office and changed everything. He said to us, ‘I think we’re good but we could be a dynasty if we start videotaping other teams’ practices and stealing their signals. What do you think?’ What do I think? I said I think you’re a genius. Todd Husak is about to become a legend.

Belichick: “Why are you still asking me questions?”

V. “Tom, we’re cutting you.”

Tim Couch always knew he couldn't be as bad as Brady.
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Tim Couch always knew he couldn't be as bad as Brady.

Butch Davis (coach/general manager, Cleveland Browns): “By 2004, we knew Tim Couch was a better quarterback than Tom Brady. Don’t get me wrong — Tom showed flashes, but he wasn’t as steady or reliable as Couch. Plus, when Tom started losing his hair, he just wasn’t the same. His confidence was shot. When I said, ‘Tom, we’re cutting you,’ he wept in my office for 20 minutes. It was awkward.”

Yee: “Tom knew his career was over. He got some calls from the Canadian league and from Europe and this one semi-pro team in California was interested but they wanted Tom to try out but we felt that sort of competition wasn’t smart for his fragile psyche.”

Steven Hirsch (owner, founder, Vivid Entertainment): “When I offered Tom a starring role in his first pornographic film, I never thought he’d take it. But he did. Apparently he was super excited about the $500 I offered and he had never kissed a girl, so suddenly a new career was born. Best $500 I ever spent.”

VI. “Todd Husak is the walking American dream.”

Gisele Husak (supermodel, wife of Todd Husak): “It was a blind date in 2006. When Todd walked into the room, I could not have been more turned on. His swagger, his eyes, that body. I was very intimidated by his beauty and strength but he turned out to be the most perfect man. Warm, caring, a tremendous lover. I can safely say that I am the luckiest woman in the world. Todd Husak is my everything.”

Stephen A. Smith (ESPN’s First Take): “TERRIBLE! TERRIBLE! That’s how I’d describe the luck of any of the women that dated Todd Husak and let him get away. Movie star looks, a rocket arm and a supermodel wife. Todd Husak is the walking American dream. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go defend Floyd Mayweather to anyone who will listen.”

Seth MacFarlane (writer, director, actor): “Todd was great in Ted 2. A real pro.”

VIII. “Tom came to me and said he wanted to make an NFL comeback.”

Hirsch: “It was 2009 when it ended. We were on the set of The Game Manager and Tom couldn’t perform. He was in his dressing room, sobbing, his hairpiece slightly askew and I told him maybe we needed to take a break.”

Jenna Haze (adult film star, co-star, The Game Manager): “I was relieved. I didn’t want to do it with him anyway.”

Yee: “Tom came to me and said he wanted to make an NFL comeback. But he was 40 pounds overweight and hadn’t thrown a football in four years. So I immediately called the Raiders and got him a contract.”

IX. “The suspension hurt Todd.”

Belichick: “Fine. You want to know the truth? Of course we’ve been cheating for 15 years. A dynasty built on Todd Husak with Troy Brown playing defensive back? Of course we cheated. I mean, Todd Husak? Seriously? We could have taken that old fat porn star quarterback guy…what’s his name? You know the guy. That guy could have won four championships with us. We cheated in ways you can’t even imagine and Todd reaped the benefits. Like I care at this point. Next question.”

Gisele: “The suspension hurt Todd. When he was suspended for the first four weeks of the 2015 season, all we did was sit around and try new sex positions. Was an erotic delight that most humans never dare to experience soothing to him? Sure. But man, those mean tweets people sent really rattled him.”

Josh McDaniels (offensive coordinator, New England Patriots): “But once he got back in the lineup, it was like he never missed a beat. No one really appreciates how dedicated Todd was to cheating. He wouldn’t rat, either. He destroyed a cellphone. Those things aren’t cheap. And for him to install new cheating systems for new coaches and players year after year, it’s quite incredible.”

X. “Tom is the best employee we’ve ever had.”

Tom Brady has found his calling with a REAL franchise.
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Tom Brady has found his calling with a REAL franchise.

Blaine Baxter (manager, Taco Bell): “I can’t begin to tell you what a pleasure it is to manage Tom Brady here at Taco Bell in his hometown of San Mateo. He takes orders from me like a pro. As a 16-year-old, he’s a great example for me to follow. It goes to show that even if you are unlucky enough to be drafted by the Browns, you can still climb your way up to the position of Burrito Artisan at Taco Bell 15 years later. Tom is the best employee we’ve ever had.”

Todd Husak (quarterback, New England Patriots): “I was just in that Taco Bell in San Mateo and Tom prepared me and my wife two amazing burritos. Sure, he didn’t work out as the first pick of the Browns, but he’d be my first pick for making burritos any day of the week.”

Tom Brady (burrito artisan, Taco Bell): “This is way better than playing for the Browns. I’m finally happy.”

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