The Best And Worst Of TNA Impact Wrestling 1/17/13: Extreme Championship Wedding

Well hello, lovelies. I apologize for the delay in getting this column up. I had some work and travel issues (it was the blerst of drives!), so I had a fair amount to deal with before I could get to watching my new favourite episode of TNA ever. Before you find out why, let’s get a few things out of the way:

– If you’re not following myself, With Leather, or UPROXX on twitter, I encourage you to click the links for each. You can like the article on Facebook, you can tumbl about it, and you can apparently share it on Reddit. I went on Reddit once to read an AMA with Tim Donst, and that has been the extent of my experience, but I’m told it’s a good thing, so y’know … if you could.

– You should also read that AMA with Tim Donst. It’s pretty great. He talks about the time he tried to kill Hallowicked with a drill in a furniture store, otherwise known as one of my most treasured of Tim Donst videos.

– Like Brandon, I will be attending National Pro Wrestling Day to lose my mind over ACH in person, indulge in some Wrestling Bro high fives, and maybe try to hug Jervis Cottonbelly, because he is the best. If you can make it out, you definitely should. We’re good people in person, and again, ACH!!

Alright guys, let’s get to it. This week on TNA, it’s the wedding of the century, and nothing else matters except all of the other stuff I wrote about. Move over, Will & Kate! A Hogan’s getting married!

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Best: HOLY F’N CRAP SPIKE DUDLEY

Guys. Guys. YOU GUYS. When I wrote last week that I would be the happiest girl in the world if Spike Dudley showed up, IT WAS TRUE BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. I have also taken the liberty of checking with all of the other girls in the world to confirm, and yeah, I’m right, no need to do your own research.

For someone who has some pretty serious opinions about this period of time in wrestling, it might shock you to know that some of my absolute favourite things came from ECW. My favourite match, my favourite feud, my favourite commentary team, my favourite wrestler was there for a cup of coffee, one of my favourite tag teams…ECW was incredibly influential in my formative wrestling experiences. Within all of those things I’ve listed, there are few things I love more in wrestling than Spike Dudley. He even inspired my favourite Halloween costume.

Now, when TNA and Bully Ray hinted at some “extreme” wrestlers showing up, I figured we would get Tommy Dreamer, because of course we would, and maybe Jerry Lynn. Worst case scenario we would get Balls Mahoney, and the gif of me running headlong into a wall would finally come out. But this…guys. Seriously. I am the happiest.

Best: No seriously, Spike Dudley

The glasses! The joke about the tye-dyed tuxedo! How genuinely happy everyone looked to be there! It’s all a best! We’ve gone through a lot of ‘acting’ in the past few months, but did you see how genuinely happy and excited all three men in the room were? When was the last time we got to see something like that? When was the last time we got to see Bully Ray smile like that? A true, genuine smile? I can guarantee you that this will be the biggest Best that I ever give, and I don’t think there’s anything they could do to deserve a bigger one. I know they’re going to star-wipe over to the bride-to-be any second now and this feeling will probably be diminished, but thank you, TNA, for giving me the happiest, most meaningful feelings I’ve ever had watching this show.

Best: Scumbag Miss Tessmacher

Right on cue we cut over to Brooke Hogan and her bridesmaids in mid-preparation for the upcoming nuptials. This should probably be a worst, and maybe I’m still sitting, basking in the warm Dudley glow from Dudleyville, but from Tessmacher casually, yet cattily, asks if Brooke’s dad is going to be there, to the horrified looks on faces of Mickie James and Christy Hemme, this was great. “Say yes to being a bridesmaid, bring up near-traumatic daddy issues on day of wedding” is almost as good as reliving some of the best moments in Kellerman’s history for Tessmacher. Even the whispered “Sorry!” is good enough to negate any amount of aforementioned “acting” from Brooke.

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