— Hi guys, it’s David D. here with another retro recap.
— WWE Network update: I’m in early 2000 WCW and I thought I’d enjoy seeing the car crash but it’s so bad I can’t even enjoy the destruction. I thought I’d look back at the Russo era appreciating any of it but heavens no. It’s all bad.
— I successfully moved to Atlanta so once again, hit me up so we can go to Indie shows and be BFFs.
— Over at TSS, there’s a spirited debate over the best Beyonce song to cry to. Real G sh*t.
— Now, on to the recaps!
Best: Ultimo Dragon Swag Lord Infinity
I’m pretty sure Ultimo Dragon is one of Brandon’s favorite wrestlers of all time, and he should be yours, too. Ultimo Dragon is one of the great in-ring performers ever with extra bonus points for being nigh-God in Revenge. But nothing tops Ultimo Dragon in his full-on Every Belt Ever regalia. You know how Cena thinks he looks cool with his belts draped over his shoulders now? Ultimo Dragon I Sai Hee moonsaults all over that look. Swag. Lord. Infinity.
Worst: Use The Three Rings
Ultimo Dragon vs. Rey is great, as you’d imagine, ending with a f*cking springboard power bomb of death and destruction. But I don’t understand who you have World War 3 with three rings and don’t let these guys flip over every ring rope possible and set the crowd on fire. I’m sure it has something to do with not spoiling any spots for the battle royal or something but screw all of that. I’m pretty sure that Ultimo could springboard from the first to the third ring with ease, so just let him do it, dammit.
Worst: And Now Nick Patrick Gets A Match
For the last WCW pay-per-view, if you recall, Nick Patrick was the biggest attraction. He was the wrestler of the night. The main heel and the guy who pushed all of the story lines. Instead of, you know, wrestlers. So naturally he gets a match with Chris Jericho. And it’s the worst kind of match like this possible. Remember how last week WWF had Jim Cornette vs. Jose Lothario and it was like two minutes long with the bad guy getting his comeuppance? We get in and out quickly and it’s pain-free for everyone involved.
This is that. But totally opposite.
Instead we get Jericho with his hand tied behind his back and a match that lasts way too long. Now, for those that don’t know, Nick Patrick was a wrestler before he was a referee, so he has legitimate offense and can hold his own in the ring. But that wasn’t established before this match so it’s a lose-lose because every offensive move he executes makes Jericho look weak. So Jericho has to mount a comeback against a guy we haven’t established as being good in the ring. As opposed to when Bischoff started wrestling and we all knew he was a Kung-Fu master or whatever. But this match just looks like Chris Jericho getting smacked around by a referee.
The great thing here, though, is watching Chris Jericho figuring it all out. Sure, he was pretty great in 1996, but he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to be a main event guy, but he was working on it. He’s learning the crowd and figuring out the beats to get them eating out of his hand so he can just show up, not say anything and get the biggest reaction. Sadly, matches with Nick Patrick don’t really help.
Best: WrestleMania 19 Slow Build
See that Sweet Chin Music at the end?! It’s a slow build to his match with HBK!
Best: Ric Flair’s Crappy Wrestler Roll Call
One of my absolute favorite things Ric Flair does is his roll call of legends. When he’s talking the NWA belt, the WCW belt or the legacy of WCW in the face of the NWO, he always goes into his famous roll call of wrestlers who’ve held down the legacy. It usually goes something like this: “you think you can take down WCW? Sting, Terry Funk, The Steiners, The Road Warriors?! We got it all!”
But you ever notice that he always brings up one shitsipping wrestler in the mix to I guess build them up?
“You know what the legacy of WCW is?! It’s Tully Blanchard! Arn Anderson! Dusty Rhodes! Buff Bagwell! Sting!” One of those doesn’t fit, Ric. For this particular promo against the NWO, Flair hits us with the “Benoit! Flair! The Steiners! Mongo!”
Good try, though, Naitch. Tune in next week when he yells “Magnum T.A.! Briscos! J.J. Dillon! Maxx Payne!”
Best: Early Crow Sting Owns
To continue my observations from last time, Jeff Jarrett is the definition of mediocre. If you look up the word mediocre in the dictionary, it’s a picture Jeff Jarrett. Next to a picture of Eddie Murphy on top of a picture of a Black guy getting asked to get his hair touched by Alex Riley. I think that’s how Dictionaries work. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that Jeff Jarrett blows. He’s the 1990s Miz in my mind in that there’s nothing I want to see more than him get destroyed as often as possible.
That’s why short-haired Crow Sting coming to the ring to destroy Jarrett because f*ck Jeff Jarrett is among Sting’s greatest run-ins. I’m not sure why he decided to attack Jarrett nor do I really care at this point. It was probably one of those Sting/NWO red herrings WCW teased for a solid year and a half but it probably has more to do with Sting being as annoyed with Double J as the rest of humanity. Keep doing God’s work, Sting. You the real MVP.