SETTLE DOWN DOUCHEBAG

Joey Votto Is Kind Of A Dick

By | 22 Comments

Joey Votto has shown for the past few years that he's on the verge of being one of baseball's top first basemen, and so far this season he's proving his point by putting up better numbers than even Albert Pujols.

PETE ROSE

Say It Ain’t So, Pete Rose

By | 8 Comments

I was always a big Pete Rose fan, so naturally I was bent out of shape when he agreed to a lifetime ban from baseball in 1989.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES

REDS HIT INTO FIRST TRIPLE PLAY OF 2009

By | 4 Comments

As if Miami of Ohio choking away the college hockey title wasn't enough--the Reds chipped in for a little Fail of their own (yes, Strunk and White suggest capitalizing the word when used as a noun).

WASHINGTON NATIONALS

TSS 2009 MLB Preview: The National League

By | 25 Comments

If you're not a fan of baseball, this may not be for you.

PEDRO MARTINEZ

PEDRO MARTINEZ WAS ON A BOAT (ON A BOAT)

By | 12 Comments

Pedro Martinez was apparently a guest of Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo's boat, Nasty Hook, where Arroyo is residing over the course of spring training, according to the <a href="http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090306/SPT04/303060050">Cincinnati Enquirer</a>.

UCLA BRUINS

BEING A REDS FAN MUST SUCK

By | 10 Comments

A lot of Americans put a pretty high premium on being on television, otherwise dipshits wouldn't show up to Good Morning America or TRL just to look like jackasses for the folks at home.

MLB

SIX HUNNERT FOR JUNIOR GRIFF!

By | 9 Comments

MLB - After sitting on 599 homers since May 31, Ken Griffey Jr.

DECAPITATIONS

MR. RED’S DEAD, BABY

By | 14 Comments

Actually, that doubly true, because Cincinnati Reds mascot Mr.

MLB

BRONSON ARROYO WILL SHILL YOUR MEAT

By | 8 Comments

Yeesh, that was worse than Death Wish IV.

MLB

JEFF BRANTLEY CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE

By | 15 Comments

Edwin Encarnacion hit a three-run homer in the bottom of the ninth to give the Reds a thrilling 6-5 walk-off win last night, at least in part because he wasn't listening to Jeff Brantley disparage him on the live telecast.

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS

KILL ME NOW

By | 24 Comments

Bronson Arroyo has stupid hair, gets paid millions of dollars every year to be a mediocre pitcher, and girls scream when he sings songs by The Fray.

MLB

THE DODGERS CAN'T SCORE

By | 13 Comments

Aaron Harang and the Reds <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=270808117" target="_blank">shut out the Dodgers 1-0</a> last night, sending Los Angeles to its sixth straight loss.

MLB

KEN GRIFFEY JR IS SIXTH ALL-TIME

By | 24 Comments

Ken Griffey Jr hit his 587th home run last night to surpass Frank Robinson and take sole possession of sixth on the career home run list as the <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=270716115" target="_blank">Reds beat the Braves 10-3</a> at Turner Field.

SEATTLE MARINERS

DICE-K PUMBLES ELDERLY GENTLEMAN

By | 14 Comments

Dice-K out-dueled Greg Maddux last night as the <a href="http://mlb.mlb.com/news/boxscore.jsp?gid=2007_06_22_bosmlb_sdnmlb_1" title="MLB" target="_blank">Red Sox beat the Padres 2-1</a>.

MLB

MAYOR MALLORY NEEDS TO STOP PITCHING

By | 7 Comments

Who works on Mayor Mark Mallory's staff.

MLB

THE CINCINNATI MAYOR IS A GREAT PITCHER

By | 15 Comments

Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory threw the ceremonial first pitch for the Reds' opener yesterday to Reds icon Eric Davis.


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