CHICKS WHO COULD KICK MY ASS

Move Over Danica Patrick, The Daytona 500 Is All About Christmas Abbott

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Now that Danica Patrick has won the pole for the 2013 Daytona 500 this Sunday on Fox, the media can begin this season’s most common pre-race question: <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2013/02/19/cup-can-danica-win-daytona-500/">“Will Danica Patrick become the first woman to win the Daytona 500?”</a> And then it will be asked at the next race, the race after that and so on, because until she wins a race, it will be the easiest question a NASCAR writer can write.

AUTO RACING

Good News, Good Old Boys: Danica Patrick Is Hitting The Open Market

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Divorce is never cause for celebration, unless it involves Olivia Wilde in a year or so – sorry, Jason Sudeikis, we love you but… it’s an Internet thing – and it pains me to bring more light to the recent news that NASCAR’s first lady of turning left, Danica Patrick, and her husband, that guy who she married, are indeed calling quits after seven years.

DAMN GOVERNMENT

That New Fiscal Cliff Deal Includes A Ton Of Tax Breaks For New NASCAR Tracks

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Politicians are the worst people on this planet, so it shouldn’t have surprised people this morning when news leaked of the sordid inclusions in the fiscal cliff deal, <a href="http://widget.uproxx.com/b/2/http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/01/02/from-nascar-to-rum-the-10-weirdest-parts-of-the-fiscal-cliff-deal/">from a heavier rum tax on Puerto Rico to financing Goldman Sachs’ new headquarters</a>.

BASKETBALL

Reminder: NASCAR Guys Aren’t Athletes

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Here's NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Brad Keselowski "hooping it up" during halftime at a Charlotte Bobcats game, and I'd make more jokes about how he's terrible, but he's not much worse than the Charlotte Bobcats.

CHARITY

The Entries In The Toyota Racing Dream Build Challenge Are Pretty Awesome

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Earlier this year, Toyota pitted four racing stars against each other for <a href="http://www.facebook.com/toyota?fref=ts ">the Toyota Racing Dream Build Challenge</a> with a goal of making fans choose which driver’s name would be on a check for $50,000 for his or her charity.

AUTO RACING

If You Missed The Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500, Here’s A 25-Car Pile-Up

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Here's a lesson to the people in charge of NASCAR: Don't call something the "Roadside Assistance 500" unless you're ready for 500 people needing roadside assistance.

CRAZY FANS

Introducing The Woman Who Is The Biggest Dale Earnhardt Fan In The World

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Last night, while trying to sort through political arguments among people I follow on Twitter so I could focus on what the social media site was actually intended for – porn stars lobbying for people to vote for their Fleshlight – I noticed <a href="https://twitter.com/jaybusbee">a Tweet from Yahoo!’s Jay Busbee</a> about <a href="https://twitter.com/lisa88fan">a woman who informed him about the new ink</a> of Dale Earnhardt that she just got, as you can see in the banner image.

BOGGLE

Sports On TV: King Of The Hill’s 25 Greatest Sports Moments

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Previous 'Sports On TV' columns (for <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2012/07/sports-on-tv-saved-by-the-bells-20-greatest-sports-moments#page/1" target="_blank">'Saved By The Bell'</a> and <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2012/07/sports-on-tv-full-houses-20-greatest-sports-moments#page/1" target="_blank">'Full House'</a>) have been fun to write but a pain to suffer through for research, because seriously, have you tried watching an 8th season episode of 'Full House' in 2012.

COUNTRY MUSIC

Danica Patrick Stars As A Sexy Car Thief, Because Of Course She Does

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In country star Miranda Lambert's video for 'Fastest Girl In Town', Miranda stars as a sexy local who may or may not know how to properly smoke a cigarette who uses her feminine wiles to lure unsuspecting billiards hunks away and steal their cars.

JAPAN

Will Blast Processing Help Danica Patrick Be A Better Driver?

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I'm just slumming it on the sports blog until they <a href="http://gammasquad.uproxx.com/2012/05/the-funny-sexy-and-awesome-cosplay-of-dallas-comic-con-2012#page/1" target="_blank">make me full-time over at Gamma Squad</a>, so I'm excited to announce that NASCAR beauty Danica Patrick will be appearing alongside Sonic the Hedgehog in the upcoming multi-platform kart racer Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed.

NASCAR

Guy Fieri Set a World Record This Weekend

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Obese starfish Guy Fieri was picked by some lover of No Can Beato This Taquitos to drive the pace car at this weekend’s Indianapolis 500.

#ART

This Week In Original Etsy Sports Merchandise

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One of my all-time favorite things to do is scour the depths of <a href="http://etsy.com">Etsy</a> for random crap, because it’s just amazing how much awesomely ridiculous stuff people can create and sell on the Internet these days.

AUTO RACING

People Don't Think You're An Athlete Because You Drive A Car? Fight Them

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Jeffrey Earnhardt, grandson of "The Intimidator" Dale Earnhardt and nephew of "Not As Intimidating But He's In Jeans Commercials" Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

ALL IN GOOD FUN

@Storytime: Jenny Johnson Tweeted Her NASCAR Experience At Texas Motor Speedway

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Greg Biffle hadn’t won a Sprint Cup race in almost two years before he overtook everyone’s least favorite NASCAR driver, Jimmie Johnson, to win the Samsung Mobile 500 yesterday in Ft.

CRASHES

Danica Patrick Wants Racing To Be Easier

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This year's Daytona 500 was undoubtedly one of the strangest in recent memory.

CRASHES

Maybe Next Time, Juan Pablo Montoya

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After a 36-hour delay and what felt like 36 caution flags, Matt Kenseth was finally declared the winner of the 2012 Daytona 500 after he held off the feisty Dale Earnhardt, Jr.


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