Kenny Powers Quotes For When You Need To Quit Your Job And Spread Your Wings

Let’s keep it real here: Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) is not a great role model, but every now and then he brings some concrete truth, and sometimes that’s what the world needs. While it may not behoove you to do as Kenny does, he does have a bevy of great quotes that you can use when you’ve had enough of the daily grind. Whether it’s sales, retail, customer service, working as an educator (as McBride will in his next HBO show, Vice Principals), or an ass-kissing at the entrance of a superstore, KP can show you how to quit your job with style. So use these quotes from Eastbound and Down (which is available to stream anytime on HBO NOW) when it’s time to give yourself the pink slip.

“I’m sick and tired of carrying all the weight. The coaches and owners are not giving me the sh*t I need to win… Get me paid, b*tch!”

Sometimes, it’s necessary to go the other way when you feel as if the team you’re playing on does not hold your best interests; Kenny Powers had to do this when he left his team in Atlanta to become a free agent. Powers bounced around several teams during his career, and you should follow Kenny’s lead: Find the right team for you and your goals. Also, remember Kenny’s final words before he left his press conference — getting paid correctly for your services isn’t everything, but it’s highly f*cking important. So, get paid.

“You know what? I can already tell that I don’t like you.”

Not every job is a perfect fit, and you might be able to see the telltale signs of a sh*tty gig within the first week. In that case, don’t be afraid to run your mouth, letting everyone in the workplace know just exactly how you feel. Kenny did just that, espousing his true feelings when a student told him that his father thought he “ruined baseball.” What’s the worse that can happen? They fire you? You wanted to leave anyway.

“F*ck that noise. I can’t do anything tonight. I got sh*t set up already.”

There will eventually come a time when your superiors at work ask you to cover someone’s shift on short notice. Be like Kenny and shut that sh*t down. When Powers was asked to work as a chaperone for the school dance, he properly killed that suggestion by telling the other teachers that he was busy, but of course, in the Kenny Powers’ way. Perhaps you don’t have to be as rude, but politely let your superiors know that you got stuff to do. Then, show up hammered, sweating, and raving like a lunatic — it worked for Kenny, and it can work for you too.

“What the f*ck kind of operation you running here, man?”

When Kenny can’t find April in Chapter 15, after being left with his son Toby, he heads to her job at a reality company and meets with her boss Jamie. With Toby in a backpack full of lettuce, Kenny is amazed when Jamie can’t help him and he spouts the above line. You can use that line at work (on your last day), when your supervisor at the grocery store tell you that you have to arrange all the Pepsi cases to look like the store’s logo. Because a day will come, for us all, when we must make our stand.

“Why don’t you hold your d*cks for a minute.”

Nothing will get you fired faster than insulting a customer, so do that sh*t with gusto. KP had no qualms with telling a family of three to “hold their d*cks” during a round of miniature golf. Of course, he and April were plastered, but you don’t have to be drunk at work to tell the next customer in line to wait their turn in the most profane way possible. When your bosses hear about your “incident,” they’ll be sure to fire you, and you’ll walk away looking like the champion of bad customer service. Now kick over a display on the way out and put an exclamation point on your resignation.

“I quit, Roger. I f*cking quit.”

Kenny Powers decided to quit his Mexican league team in the most Kenny Powers way: bringing a gun on the field, dancing with it, and then throwing it into the crowd for a little girl to catch. As he was chased off the field, Kenny told his coach that he quits with the very direct statement above.

Remember, Kenny Powers may not be the most elite of persons to follow into the land of unemployment, but it always works out for Kenny in the end. You might have to fake your own death once in a while, but you’ll come out on the other side right as rain. Just don’t throw guns at little kids.

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