Later that night, after British racer Danny Hart took home the gold at the World Bike Championship in Champery, Switzerland…
“WAIT, IT LOOKS LIKE DANNY IS GOING FOR ANOTHER HUGE SERVING OF FISH AND CHIPS. YES, YES HE IS GOING FOR ANOTHER SERVING OF FISH AND CHIPS. LOOK AT THAT YOUNG MAN. NO ONE’S HEART, OR TASTE BUDS FOR THAT MATTER, COULD POSSIBLY MAKE IT THROUGH THIS BLAND, GREASE ORGY. NO ONE EXCEPT DANNY HART, FOR HIS HEART IS MADE OF IRON AND STEEL AND GOLD AND KRYPTONITE. HIS LAST NAME IS ‘HART’ AFTER ALL. NEED I SAY MORE? OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIM STUFF THOSE CHIPS INTO HIS YOUNG, MOIST, EAGER MOUTH WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE, EVEN HIS OWN.
OH WAIT, HE’S NOW FINISHED THE SECOND HUGE SERVING OF FISH AND CHIPS AND NOW HE’S GOING FOR A DESSERT OF SPOTTED DICK. AND NOW HE’S RUNNING FOR THE BATHROOM. DANNY HART IS RUNNING FOR THE BATHROOM WITH A BOWL OF SPOTTED DICK IN HIS HANDS AND NOW HE’S DROPPING DOWN TO MAKE A DOOKY, TAKING GREAT CARE TO MOVE HIS GIGANTIC C*CK AND BALLS OUT OF THE PATHWAY OF HIS SURE TO BE EPIC FECAL OFFERING FIRST WHILE HOLDING THE BOWL OF SPOTTED DICK WITH THE OTHER HAND. AND HERE IT COMES. HERE IT COMES. OH MY GOD I’VE NEVER SEEN A NUMBER TWO LIKE THIS ONE. HIS BUTTHOLE IS STRETCHING LIKE A PYTHON TRYING TO SWALLOW A VOLKSWAGEN, EXCEPT HE’S GOING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. OH LOOK AT IT. IT’S ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS. DANNY HART HAS THE BOWELS OF MAN MADE OUT OF GODZILLA AND A SPACE ROCKET TO MARS AND HAS JUST DROPPED A DUMPER INTO THE BOWL THAT WOULD MAKE A T-REX BITE OFF ITS OWN BUTTHOLE IN SHAME.
AND HE ATE THE BOWL OF SPOTTED DICK! DANNY HART NEVER LOST SIGHT OF CONSUMING HIS PRECIOUS DESSERT BELOVED SO MUCH BY HIS COUNTRYMEN. THE QUEEN MUST BE SO PROUD RIGHT NOW TO REIGN OVER A LAND THAT HAS PRODUCED SUCH AN OTHER-WORLDLY SPECIMEN. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN AND HER WITHERED ROYAL VAGINA.”
(HT: Best Rooftalk Ever)