The Washington Wizards Are Pretty Bad At Making John Wall Bobbleheads

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The Washington Wizards have been a disappointing bunch this season, primarily because they missed the playoffs despite having John Wall, one of the best point guards in the NBA, on their team. Even if he couldn’t drag them to the playoffs, the Wizards know that Wall is their star — that’s why they’ve made bobblehead dolls commemorating him year after year. But much like their performance on the court, Washington’s efforts fall short at accurately depicting the man whose likeness is plastered all over the Verizon Center.

From our best guess, the photo of a bobblehead on the court is this year’s offering, joined by this shameful attempt from 2014:

That third photo, again to the best of our knowledge, is from 2012 and looks more like a cartoon Bradley Beal than his backcourt mate:

We previously thought that advancements had been made in bobblehead technology to make them more lifelike, but we need to reconsider that assessment. There’s no rising tide of verisimilitude, just like there’s no one factory that’s tasked with all the manufacturing of bobbleheads. Rather, some bobblehead artists are just more skilled than others, and no one employed by the Wizards over the past few years has been able to capture Wall’s aura. Their 2013 doll might have come closest, but something’s still missing:

The 2015 edition is a step in the right direction, but the one given out on Sunday is another step back. Is John Wall that tough to sculpt? Is there some intangible quality that gives his face life yet vexes our bobblehead artists? Maybe. Maybe the Wizards should just be a little more discerning when signing off on the proofs.

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