What a week! Did I say that last week? Maybe! But it was. Every time you think, “Oh, summer must be winding down,” there it is to knock you over the head with a particularly bad bout of heatstroke, and it’s all your fault because you should know by now to wear a hat.
The summer vacations continued, are right now as I write this continuing, and they are quality vacays, people. More yachts, more guys jumping off them, more appearances of pro-wrestlers, more brushes with Old Beach (this can go), more sun, more fun.
Russ played in the pool with his family on vacation (please scroll to slide 2, I beg of you) and also swam in the ocean.
Russ then did the Dodgers a solid by tossing out the first pitch and did the impossible by making baseball seem cool.
Rating: A solid week for the Brodie, all in all.
I can admit I was starting to get a little nervous with the lack of Jimmy Butler summer updates but then I remembered the way Jimmy spends his summers, when not in Italy, Greece, or some other, beautiful far-flung locale, is by just playing dominoes either in his backyard or around Miami, in parks with old guys. It’s a nice reminder that if you do summer right, vacation is wherever you want it to be.
Rating: Couldn’t tell you whether this is a good batch of dominoes or what.
Luka Dončić chilling in Greece. pic.twitter.com/7VcXHYyHf6
— Luka updates 🇸🇮 (@LukaUpdates) August 27, 2021
I’m very pleased to say this sighting came from a tip I received from a literal jetsetter, like someone flying at that very moment, so if you don’t think NBA SVW is as worldwide as the Illuminati, but less concerned with posturing than the proper body position to go down a waterslide with, what can I even tell you?
Anyway! According to the very prestigious Luka Updates Twitter account, Luka is in Greece huffing on a hookah, laughing, wearing a classic Ray-Ban aviator shade and a t-shirt with Michael Jordan dunking on it.
Rating: A lot of concerned reply guys furiously googling “hookah effect 3-pt percentage” right now.
Giannis attended an AEW event where he loved the feeling of thinking himself as a little baby again, and enjoyed the company of Chris Jericho and Sting.
Rating: It’s good to have hobbies outside of work, especially in the summer. To me, while pretty clearly WORK, summer vacation is both a hobby and a lifestyle, so I have a good balance, in case you were worried.
Rudy is still on vacation and still thinks he can elude me when it comes to pinning down exactly where. And you know what, he is! This is like when IG influencers go on vacation, or go anywhere, and post a series of pics designed to make it seem as if they are having a singular and completely unattainable experience. Also I’m sure we all have friends who do this. Someone comments, “Cool! Where are you?” And they never reply. Or worse, they toss a praying hands emoji. And you’re like, great, but I’d like to go swim here, too.
Rating: This isn’t getting to me at all.
Lou is really having himself one! Actually several party platters worth of vacation, it seems. He spent a lot of time on and around this boat in the last week, as well as jumping off of it.
If I was more confident in Dime’s CMS I’d post a video of this entire thing, where Lou jumped off a boat to the perfect song, “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley. Perfect because as we’ve been seeing for some weeks now, it’s not really the craziest thing to do. But you can recreate it here with these captured stills, like ancient man used to do with flickering firelight across cave drawings.
Rating: May you find the party platter of your dreams while summer’s still in sesh.
Just when you think Serge is not on vacation anymore, he is! But Serge also lives a lifestyle where it’s very tough to tell sometimes what’s regular life and vacation, kind of like the thin veneer of waking life and sleeping for people who suffer from narcolepsy. While Serge has not said where he is, he is also not as mysterious as Rudy Gobert, and I’m going to say he’s in Mexico. Is that narrowing it down? It’s enough.
Rating: This guy remains absolutely fascinated by the sea, which scared him mere weeks ago. A draw we can all understand and a bravery we can only hope to achieve.
JaVale did a cool glitchy vacation vid featuring notorious summer vacation master Klay Thompson. They jump off a boat into the ocean, travel to and escape from Old Beach, and spend some time in… an engine room? The important thing is they both had fun.
If that wasn’t enough, JaVale also went golfing, which my knowledgeable colleague Robby Kalland broke down expertly here, but the only other thing to focus on is how mad Kyle Kuzma got in the comments over JaVale golfing barefoot.
Rating: I don’t like how many players are toying with the idea of finding Old Beach this summer because what if they actually do?
Remember what we talked about last week when we talked about deciding whether or not Buddy Hield being home counted as Buddy Hield on vacation? And what I said about the checklist? Here’s Buddy Hield standing patiently on a beach and waiting for you to get that it always counts as vacation when it comes to him.
Rating: Read the hat!
Josh has quickly become one of my standouts this summer, not just for the quality of vacations he’s been taking, but the joy he’s getting out of them, and the willingness he is to share and not be so clandestine about it.
He went to Disneyland, got stoked on being an Avenger, zoomed on some clowns, and asked the question we all would have been muttering in our minds about this weird bear thing.
Rating: It’s going to be time to start thinking about NBA SVW MVP, and I have a warning for everyone: Watch your backs because Josh Richardson is zoomin on u clowns.
This weird gathering consisted of A-Rod, Taurean Prince, D’Angelo Russell, and more smoking cigars in Miami. Since I first laid eyes on this unfortunate photo I’ve learned that’s not just a huge thing of glistening olives, but a huge thing of glistening Spanish limes, which are apparently good for the digestive tract, which we can all agree is too intimate a food to be serving like this and at such large quantities.
Rating: I’m rating this “Regular,” which is gross but what choice do I have?
I also thought Myles was done with the mountains, like he’d come down from them, but it turns out he went back up just this week! Turner headed to Telluride, Colorado, to take in some more majestic vistas and icy cold creeks with friends.
Rating: The only thing colder than cold certified is Myles Turner’s mountain vacations. Don’t sue me Coors Light, it’s just the honest truth.
Summer can be a nice time to experiment with looks, whether or not those looks stick around and make it into your regular life rotation is another story. Boban has grown what can only be described as an intriguing mustache and he would like you to know.
Rating: He doesn’t want to know what you think though, because he doesn’t care.
This is a pretty straightforward summer pic and one everyone can relate to. You ask your friend to take your picture because you are feeling good, but what they come back with is sort of whatever. Like, they didn’t get your full body. But still, the palms look great, the daybeds look relaxing, your new bucket hat is perched at an immaculate angle.
Rating: You let it go, knowing that there will be more, and better pictures of you, to come.
While technically this is Rudy Gobert’s begrudgingly pretty good troll, this is also Evan Fournier. Or, rather, the 2K approximation of him that was released this week and made Fournier pretty steamed, which is both understandable, because this doesn’t actually look like ANYBODY living on earth, but also funny, because it’s frightening as hell.
Rating: I’d like for the Knicks to put this on a shirt.
I waffled over whether this counts as a vacation, Terrence Ross being in NYC and all, but ultimately decided to pull the trigger because Ross being strangely beguiled (“Chills”) by driving by Epstein’s old apartment is, in itself, a weird but accurate depiction of something that happened in the offseason.
Rating: Look, they can’t all be winners. I’m an impartial journalist.
Justise wore a really rugged vest on a beach vacation and you have to commend him for committing to the look. He lighted it up with some neutral linens a little later, but more respect for anyone packing a vest.
Rating: Remember vests? Time to bring vests back.
So, at least once every summer, Dwyane Wade takes a big friends trip with his and Gabrielle Union’s closest. Aside from how unattainable for the average person, they always look like a lot of fun. Sure, let’s rent a couple yachts for the crew, hit up the South of France before tootin’ along to Capri, Positano, Sardinia, and a few other stops, jump off the yachts, smoke cigars, unpack this gigantic inflatable slide for adults, dress strictly in silks, like who wouldn’t.
Rating: Probably not you or I, but you know what I mean.
Paul Pierce’s Place
I got some complaints and concerns at the lack of Paul Pierce appearances over the last couple weeks, so I’m happy to say that here comes our guy, rattling back into our hearts on this roller coaster for children, and looking completely thrilled about it.
Rating: No rating, just relief to have him back.