We all know what our parents did to bring us here – they had sex. Well, I hope we all know. I really don’t want this post to be the reason some Google-searching 9-year-old asks their parents what it means to be a swinger. While we’re fully aware that our parents did the deed at least once, that’s generally as far as anyone wants to take that line of thinking.
Sadly, you can only live under the same roof with someone for so long before you hear your fair share of squeaky mattresses. But the one thing that’s perhaps worse than that is actually walking in and seeing your parents making the beast with two backs with your own eyes.
Unfortunately, it’s not all that uncommon for kids to do just that. If it’s happened to you, consider yourself lucky because after that first time, I’m sure your parents got a deadbolt. Also, dear survivor, you’re not alone and I’ve compiled a list of Reddit confessions of people telling stories about it.
Walking in on your parents can send a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head. But have you ever wondered what they may be thinking? Well, Elephlump‘s parents had some drastically different reactions:
I’ve straight up walked into the house with my parents f*cking on the couch. My mom screamed and ran to the bedroom. My dad got up, and strutted the most awesome strut all the way there…I stood in the doorway motionless for a few moments, turned around and left. Didn’t come back for a few days I don’t think.
The sounds of nature are supposed to soothe when camping, but washer‘s father’s girlfriend apparently felt a little too free when she visited.
My dad and mom got divorced when I was in fifth grade, and my dad got a new girlfriend like a year later. She was “unique.” My dad planned a camping trip with me, him, my brother, and his new girlfriend. She wasn’t able to come with us though, so my dad explained to us that she’d be stopping by briefly if she could. That sounded OK. Sure, we’d all go hiking or something. Nope. She drives into the campsite in the middle of the night, climbs into my dad’s tent, giggles loudly, f*cks the sh*t out of him while moaning like a stuck pig, then drives off. My brother and I were awake the WHOLE TIME in a (thank God) separate tent, neither one acknowledging the other, staring at a point in the tent’s fabric ceiling and wishing we were anywhere else.
This Reddit user’s throwaway account is called ParentGroupSex. You can pretty much guess where this one’s going:
This is a throwaway account. Too many of my IRL friends know my reddit handle.
My parents went through their midlife crisis when I was around the age of 16. They started out with simple stuff: they bought motorcycles. Okay, whatever. Well, after that they bought new cars. Okay, fine. About a year later, I came back visiting from college over Christmas, to find out that my parents have started swinging.
But, they couldn’t just do normal swinging. Instead, they developed a 4-way couple. It was two couples that would trade and participate in group-sex. In any case, I asked my parents if I could invite a group of about seven or eight friends over to watch a movie, they said it was fine but that they were inviting the other couple over. I didn’t think too much of it and my friends came over.
Well, about halfway through the movie, all the couples are in one bedroom (my friends do NOT know about the swinging), and loud sex noises start coming from the room. It continued for the rest of the movie and the highest setting on the speaker wouldn’t drown it out. In fact, I’m fairly certain it was going on after the movie, but everyone filed out quickly and I fled to the basement. About half of those friends have never come back to my house.
If you’re having a “good time” in one room, and someone else is doing the same in another, does that technically count as sex? Or is it really just simultaneous self-pleasure? Either way, the last thing you’d want to do is find out your stepmom is doing it with someone that’s not your dad. At least bambiundead found some twisted sense of satisfaction in it all:
Surprisingly, I’ve never heard either of my parents having sex with their spouses. Or with each other.
What I HAVE heard, was my stepmom having incredibly loud phone sex with a man that wasn’t my father — while my father was doing work out of town. I simply walked downstairs when she was finished and politely reminded her that I had school the next morning and I was trying to sleep.
The satisfaction that came from the look on her face, and the fact she knew her poorly kept secret was now out in the open, was enough for me.
Max0227 probably went through a lot of feelings in a short amount of time. First, it was shock, then it was embarrassment and, lastly, a sense of respect for surprising skills:
One time I walked in on my moms boyfriend jerking off. The look of shock/shame on his face was priceless. The most impressive part was he simultaneously shut the computer off and pulled his pants up. I think sex just doesn’t bother me that much, sorry I wasn’t helpful.
While this story doesn’t sound all that legitimate, because no parents are this bold, it paints quite a vivid picture:
When I was 6yo I was sitting in a large arm chair @ my grandparents house. My parents put on a movie & told me to watch it while they talked on the couch behind me. From what I remember the movie was 48 hours & it was scaring me pretty bad. I kept ducking my head down to not see the screen & try to not hear it. At one point I turned around to tell my parents I was scared & saw my mom laying on her back on the couch while my dad crouched over her putting it [REDACTED BECAUSE I ACTUALLY HAVE STANDARDS]. I didn’t get at first. I was terrified of the movie & whatever my Dad was doing to my mom. It absolutely warped me for a lot of years.
If you want to enjoy laughing at some kids overhearing to their own parents, check out The Detour when it premieres on TBS Monday, April 11, at 9/8 c.