Senior Editor
10.02.09 34 Comments

Courtesy of Harry at AICN, here are five minutes of Roland Emmerich’s 2012.  For which Harry’s headline is “5 Bugnuts Insane Wholly Beetledick Wow Minutes!”  Seriously, the guy writes like Japanese ad copy translated into English with Babelfish*.  Do you think he means the wow minutes are wholly beetledick?  Or was he trying to shout “holy beetledick”?  I guess it’s best just to move on.

Anyway, the video.  It… is beyond ludicrous.  It makes Transformers 2 look like a nature documentary.  They drive through LA in a limo while the EVERYTHING COLLAPSES and all of a sudden they’re DRIVING THROUGH A SMASHING BUILDING!  And then suddenly, they’re IN AN AIRPLANE FOR SOME REASON!!  Why are they flying so low to the ground?? SO THEY CAN SEE THE SMASHING!!  And then, and then… JESUS’S ARMS FALL OFF HIS BODY IN BRAZIL!  Why would just his arms fall off?  BECAUSE ASTEROIDS AND MONEY!   God, this looks amazing.  I guarantee you right now, Roland Emmerich is watching tsunami footage and wearing a ball gag while his mistress stomps on his nuts and makes explosion sounds.

*Sorry, one more note on Harry’s writing:

Witness Chaos Reigns!!!

“Dogs and cats, living together, tenses of verbs, no longer important…. MASS HYSTERIA!”

[the Disaster Porn edit originally came from io9]

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