72-year-old man pulls gun on neighbor over fart

George Carlin famously had various creative descriptions for especially powerful farts, such as “It was a fart… that could end a marriage.” I can only imagine the kind of fart that would get a pistol pulled on you, but that’s exactly the kind of fart a New Jersey man cut Monday night.

An elderly man was arrested Monday night after a neighbor’s fart allegedly drove him to threaten him with a gun, police said.
Daniel Collins, 72, had been involved in an ongoing dispute with the unidentified neighbor for some time, Det. Lt. Andrew McGurr told NJ.com. The neighbor told officers that Collins pointed a revolver at him in the vestibule of their apartment building at 694 Cedar Lane at around 9:25 p.m. [NJ.com]

The neighbors reportedly are involved in a dispute over noise. Collins told the neighbor, “I’m going to put a hole in your head,” according to police.
Collins was charged with aggravated assault, unlawful possession of a firearm, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, and terroristic threats. [FoxNews]

So Collins told the neighbor to keep it down, and the neighbor responded with a resounding fart? Oh, I gotta meet this guy. He sounds like a man after my own heart. I once cut a silent-but-deadly fart on bus while I was sitting next to a pregnant lady that I seriously worried it could cause birth defects from the lack of oxygen.

“Let’s go fart on Old Man Collins!”

“Haha, yeah! Old Man Collins hates farts!”

I’m told Kevin James and the Farrelly Brothers are already in talks to buy the life rights.