FilmDrunk

A Cant-Miss Guide To Casting The Perfect All-Female ‘Ghostbusters’ Movie

By now, you’ve probably heard the news that Bill Murray totally said that he’d be cool with an all-female reboot or sequel to Ghostbusters, and he even recommended some of the funniest actresses he could think of to fill the roles. Of course, some people might argue that Murray was just offering a polite and fun answer to a question that he’s probably really tired of being asked when he randomly shows up to scoop ice cream or help a couple stuck in traffic give birth to octuplets, but since we know that Paul Feig is at least interested in directing this reboot/sequel, it’s fun to start speculating about which actresses he’d cast, because let’s face it – it’s going to be Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy.

Is that why Murray recommended those wonderful actresses as one-half of this hypothetical squad of female Ghostbusters? Because he knew that McCarthy and Wiig would be at the top of Feig’s list? Or was it because they’re simply the biggest names in female comedy right now, at least among actresses not named Fey or Poehler, and even the great Bill Murray is just like us in assuming that the same actresses are going to be attached to every new comedy role? Honestly, it doesn’t matter. People of both genders are totally excited for the prospect of an all-female Ghostbusters right now, so that means that we can open our doors and minds to one of my all-time favorite pastimes of movie blogging – DREAM CASTING!

I’m not the type of dreamer that likes to just make a list of names and call it a day. I need to visualize my idea, perhaps through a series of terrible photoshops, so I can forward it to the big decision-makers in Hollyweird and watch with a smile as the world celebrates when it finally comes true. That said, let’s make this all-female Ghostbusters film a reality, people.

First, we need a location, and that’s obviously going to be New York City, because if the first two Ghostbusters films taught us anything, it’s that the undead only returns in the Big Apple. Of course, that means that our first female cast member is actually Lady Liberty herself.

Seeing as the first Ghostbusters had a female villain in Zuul and the sequel had Viggo the Carpathian balancing the evil gender seesaw, I figure that anything is fair in picking a bad spirit for this Ghostbusters. But call me nostalgic, because I just love the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man so much.

Except, TWIST! It’s a Stay Puft Marshmallow Woman!

As for the Ghostbusters, I’m actually going to pick against Murray, who is one of my comedy idols, and I’ll start with a pair of UPROXX favorites in Jennifer Lawrence and Anna Kendrick.

Look, McCarthy and Wiig would be a lot of fun, but I’d actually like to see some typically dramatic actresses stepping out of their comfort zones and trying something new. I think that would help give this movie a little more legitimacy so people don’t criticize it for being lazy in casting the hot comedy names du jour. So let’s add Meryl Streep and Oprah.

Just as the male Ghostbusters had a secretary, these lady Ghostbusters will have an assistant, and since he’s in everything, let’s assume that it’s Kevin Hart.

Hart will need a goofy love interest, who also just so happens to be a client of the Ghostbusters, and that’s a perfect role for Rebel Wilson.

Just kidding. She gets crushed by a safe in the beginning of the film – call it a tradeoff for the sake of satisfaction – and the Ghostbusters’ first client will be the hunky Joe Manganiello, whose shirts are being stolen by poltergeists.

His dorky neighbor, played by Brooklyn Decker in a pair of glasses, also gets drawn into the plot, when it is revealed that their apartment building is an ancient temple used to sacrifice virgins to an evil cannibal fire god played by Rosie O’Donnell.

If the Ghostbusters don’t stop Blergh by midnight, she will conquer the world, starting with New York City, and the undead will rise up and make us all their slaves, starting with The Rock, because this time he’s the one who needs to be saved!

Will the Ghostbusters be able to stop Blergh’s ghoulish invasion in time? Probably. Otherwise, that would be a pretty bleak ending. Oh, I almost forgot! Of course Slimer is there, because he’s cuddly and gross at the same time.

But this time Slimer has found love with a green female ghost, played by Kate Upton.

The end! Oscars, please.

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