Cinefamily will soon be screening “Why Me?”, an actual 1984 made-for-TV movie starring Armand Assante about a woman whose face is disfigured in a car accident who gets a vagina transplanted onto her face. Oh, and it’s apparently based on a true story. You know what else is a true story? I love Cinefamily.
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Picture it: Anchorage, Alaska, 1968. On her way to work, Air Force nurse Leola May Harmon has her face destroyed when a drunk driver plows into her car. After many reconstructive surgeries, Leola falls in love with her surgeon — who ends up grafting parts of her vagina onto her mouth. Put down that margarita, and read that one carefully again: PARTS OF HER VAGINA ONTO HER MOUTH. Yup — true story all the way, one craftily told in the 1984 Emmy-winning rip-roarer Why Me?, starring ‘70s Movie-Of-The-Week queen Glynnis O’Connor (The Boy In The Plastic Bubble.) With her mouth sewn mostly shut throughout the film, O’Connor’s weird portrayal frequently hits Liz Taylor-style, wide-eyed freakout notes (which are always welcome) — and her medical paramour is played to the hilt by Armand Assante, who waltzes in as if he’s the lead in a hard-boiled neo-noir, making their scenes together a pleasingly piquant study in Off-Kilter Scenery Chewing 101. Toss in a queasy Craig Wasson (Body Double) as the uneasy ex-boyfriend and some real doobie-worthy flashes of unexpected psychedelia, and you’ve got a nice night out at the movies.
Dir. Fielder Cook, 1984, 100 min. [Cinefamily]
June 19th, Cinefamily. Be there. I have never wanted to put something in my eyes as badly as this car crash lady’s vagina mouth. It’s like vagina dentata in reverse. Amazing.
Annnnd I think too myseeeeeelf, what a wonderful woooooooooooorld…
Sidenote: “Glynnis” is an incredibly vaginal-sounding name, isn’t it?