Even if you’re a sport-hating commie, you could probably still tell the Super Bowl happened last night, if only by all the hungover people and clogged toilets. Speaking for myself, I can tell you that if your team starts losing, definitely don’t start chugging Jameson just because someone says so. Lesson learned. Let’s just say it wasn’t only the Superdome that experienced a blackout last night. Anyway, if you’re like me and you can’t remember or you skipped the game to do something “productive,” we’ve still got you covered with all the movie spots right here. I’m just glad GoDaddy isn’t a movie, because my stomach couldn’t handle that again. GoDaddy may have surpassed Geico and Zoosk.com in awful obnoxious ad department. Can you imagine getting stuck talking to a guy who came up with those Geico or GoDaddy ads at a party? If you didn’t at least sock him in the belly you would be a failure to society.
Read on for Iron Man 3, Snitch, Oz the Great and Powerful, 6 Fast 6 Furious, The Lone Ranger, Star Trek Into Darkness. and some random Old Milwaukee commercial where Will Ferrell makes out with an Asian lady.
SPOT: Will Ferrell for Old Milwaukee
CONCEPT: According to AdWeek, this Will Ferrell ad for Old Milwaukee only aired in Sherman, Texas, Ardmore, Oklahoma, and Glendive, Montana. It’s just Will Ferrell and an Asian lady making out on a bus while Chinese music plays. It kind of seems like something Tim & Eric might’ve made. I’m not sure what the takeaway here was supposed to be, but it looks like Old Milwaukee is making a play to replace Pabst as the beer of hipsters. (“Oh, we only play Glendive, Montana, you probably haven’t heard of us.”) Though I’m pretty sure hipsters only drink Pabst because it’s cheap. Me, if we’re talking crappy old-school pilsners out of a can, I’m kind of partial to Olympia.
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: Calvin Chang: DA FUK LOL
SPOT: Iron Man 3, version 1.
CONCEPT: Air Force One has ‘sploded, but Iron Man is there.
I admit it, I thought Iron Man 3 was a stupid idea, and maybe this is just the 8-year-old in me talking, but that looked kind of good. I hope Shane Black got to make a Shane Black movie and not an extended commercial for future Marvel movies like the last Iron Man. Hopefully The Avengers billion-dollar take bought Marvel’s directors-for-hire some creative freedom (I doubt it, but it’s fun to hope). Also, there was no Gwyneth Paltrow, which is promising.
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: peaceloveandgood: That plane was Air force one, he probably should have just let everyone fall.
SPOT: Iron Man 3, extended
CONCEPT: Robert Downey Jr. stares at the camera for an uncomfortably long time. An “extended look.” Ha, I get it. The Mandarin is there, and you know he’s the Mandarin because he’s eating oranges – mandarins, presumably. And ooh, they’re cut all fancily! I don’t know much about this Mandarin, why is he so particular about the shapes of his oranges? Is he a disgruntled former culinary student, perhaps? A tyrannical culinary instructor? I could see that Sweet Genius guy being a super villain.
Also, Gwyneth is in this one. Darn.
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: Jonah Schwab: I think when the Mandarin grips his hand, it’s symbolic of him having a tight grip over much of what happens to Iron Man/Tony Stark. This might not be the case in the film, though, but it seems that way in the trailer.
Runner up: kainoachristian: superman will save them or they will land on an extra soft trampoline.
SPOT: Fast & Furious 6
CONCEPT: The gang’s all back together, even the characters who died in previous movies. I like how they think people care about the continuity of the Fast/Furious franchise. I’d like to meet that stickler. Actually, no, I wouldn’t. Continuity aside, it’s a real cop out that they just gave up and started numbering these. I still have my fingers crossed for Even Faster and More Furious Part Four: The Vroomening.
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: RECUTx: Fast Five was far enough from being a F&F movie as it is, this shit is more like transformers than a car movie. Like what is this i dont even
Patrick Lindbom: Fast & Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious and Toky Drift were good. Now Fast and Furious is more about weapons than cars -.-
Oh, purists. And yes, one of those guys had an alien head avatar. Shocking, I know.
SPOT: Oz the Great and Powerful
CONCEPT: This is clearly Alice in Wonderland 2: Epic Choir Gasps Edition, but I trust Sam Raimi more than Tim Burton. The title is weird too, like it needs punctuation or something. It sounds like something Yoda would say. Anyway, I could’ve done with more of those jacked flying baboons.
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: Bibby 42: She definitely put a pretty evil spell on my dick, It won’t go down and it’s starting to hurt a tad bit…
SPOT: The Lone Ranger
CONCEPT: Jerry Bruckheimer movie, number twelve B slash six. First Johnny Depp was a pirate who winked at the camera, now he’s an Indian who winks at the camera. If you’ve got 12 million dollars and a Village Person costume, Johnny Depp will wink for you.
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: TheToneCapone66: White man killed native Americans
SPOT: Star Trek Into Darkness
CONCEPT: Another title that desperately needs some punctuation. BRAAAAAAAAHM. Benedict Cumberbatch has a weird face and I have a hard time looking at it. BRAAAAAAAAAAAHM. Maybe that’s normal in England. BRAAAAAAAAHM. Was that someone standing in a lava planet? BRAAAAAAAAAAHM. Where’s Spock? BRAAAAAAAAHM. I miss Spock. BRAAAAAAAAAHM….
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: Firat Seren: Go home Sherlock, you’re drunk.
SPOT: Snitch
CONCEPT: The Rock’s son is in trouble, so the police give The Rock the option to infiltrate a drug cartel to keep him out of jail, as police are wont to do when dealing with pro wrestlers. Jesus, how many commercials is the Rock in this year? The guy is going to be president one day, just you wait.
BEST YOUTUBE COMMENT: russianlove123456123: only fags don’t like the rock