When I started my Guide to ‘Quoth the Raven’ Puns in Reviews of The Raven yesterday, you didn’t think that would be the end of it, did you? Because in the 24 hours since I posted part one, plenty more puns have come a rapping, rapping at my chamber door. Yes, I mean actually rapping, like Jay-Z. What else would you expect from a movie that portrays the famous poet, critic, and essayist Edgar Allen Poe shouting, “I’LL SEND YOU TO HELL!” in a TV commercial? I love America.
COME AT ME, POE!
Conspicuously lacking mystery, suspense and poetry. Quoth “The Raven,” this is a bore. –Boston Herald.
Quoth this critic: It’s a bore. –OneGuysOpinion
To this non-poetic 2012 rendering of The Raven, we might all be tempted to, um, quoth, “Nevermore.” –Doddle
I can think of a dozen novels that make this kind of page-turning escapism pop. When will somebody film “The Alienist”? And don’t tell me, “Nevermore.” –St. Paul Press
The steampunk-action genre may be played out. Quoth the audience, “Nevermore.” –BostonGlobe
Let’s just hope the “nevermore” part of Poe’s original writing applies to any notion of “The Raven 2,” “Son of the Raven” or “That’s So Raven the Movie.” –ScreenIt
‘Raven’ leaves us weak and weary. –JamMovies
Pondering weak and weary, indeed. –St. Paul Press
Too many a midnight dreary in ‘The Raven’ –BostonGlobe
Once upon a movie dreary. –Washington Post
‘The Raven’ has Cusack’s Poe swinging like a pendulum. –LA Times
And in case you missed it, here are yesterday’s entries:
Review: Quoth ‘The Raven,’ what a bore -AP
Quoth the raven: “Eh.” -Chicago Tribune
Quoth the raven “I’ve seen better”. -MeMovies
Quoth The Raven, “Ever Meh.” -Portland Mercury
Quoth the Raven, “Wait for rental.” -BlueNeurosis
Quoth This ‘Raven’: Ever-Bore -MSN Movies
Quoth the raven, “Go see something else.” -AP
Glad I saw it, but how many more times will I watch it? Quoth The Raven, “Nevermore.” -CBS Philadelphia
The Raven’ review: Nothing to crow about– RedEyeChicago
The Raven aspires to both, but abandons those ambitions to lie limply on the floor—only this, and nothing more. -AV Club
So while it won’t get you in a huge flap, The Raven will give you enough caws to stay awake upon a midnight dreary.. -Sky Movies
The Raven feels like a hollow shell – without a beating (or tell-tale) heart. – Digital Spy
I think it would’ve been better if Poe had been re-imagined as a wily bank robber who had been using his poetry as a cover the whole time. Eventually the police get suspicious and send a detective after him, played by The Rock, who uses his encyclopedia knowledge of Poe’s writing to track him down. Only when he gets there, Poe and The Rock bond over neither having had a father, and they team up to save Poe’s daughter from a gang of evil drug lords with the help of Poe’s pet Raven, Weezie, voiced by Sinbad.
GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS!