It must be ladies day here on FilmDrunk, because it seems like I’d barely finished posting Bradley Cooper speaking French when Northwestern University’s number one Lizzady’s Man (and number two son of Tom Hanks) Chet Haze dropped a new track. I say this without sarcasm or hyperbole, Chet Haze is one of the top ten white rappers named Chet in the world. You can listen to the track below (because I know you want to). Sample lyrics:
Cuz you know I gotta get in my zone
Turn my swag on and holla cuz it helps with these poems
So it’s Gucci, Louis, Prada — whateva you want
Take you shoppin’ when I wanna, it’s whateva you want
Keep you lookin tip top while we pop a few bottles
Time to speed it up like we pushin’ on the throttle
Ahh, reppin’ brand names, the great equalizer between ghetto thugs and rich white kids from Pacific Palisades. Anyway, it’s no “I’ll stab you in the peep hole/with a ski pole,” (SKI THUGZ 4 LYFE, SKEET SKEET!), but otherwise not a terrible rhyme. By which I mean that it does rhyme (sort of). Ugh, I deserve a Pulitzer for taking the time to transcribe that. Do you see me here, suffering for my art? (*pulls a Van Gogh*). Meanwhile, in a FilmDrunk Exclusive, I’ve been able to obtain a transcript of the first track off Chet Haze’s brother Colin Hanks’ first album:
An Excerpt from Colin Hanks’ (aka “Colin Shenanigans”) First Album:
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS. BRAAAAAAAINS.
BRAAAAAAAAAINS/BRAAAAAAAINS
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
BRAAAAINS BRAAAINS (*grunt*) BRAAAINSBRAAAAAAINS BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
BRAAAAAAINS…. BRAAAAAAAAINS….
(*Ke$ha sample, hook repeats three times*)
BRAAAAAAAAINS… (*moaning*) BRAAAAINS
BRAAAAINS (*sound of heavy mouth breathing*)
BRAAAAAAAAAINS/BRAAAAAAAINS
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.
(*gurgling and snorting until fade out*)
Thanks to my favorite white rapper Burnsy for the tip.