Well. folks, it’s Super Bowl Monday, and Comments of the Week time, so let us all shake off our hangovers using your puns, inside jokes, and racist wordplay. It’s the FilmDrunk way. Leading the way with three votes, it was a tie at the top, between Stinky Pete in Brooklyn Decker has two movies opening the same day:
Stinky Pete says: She should ask her husband, I bet he knows how to deal with two Brooklyn Decker openings on the same night.
And Donkey Hodey in Channing Tatum showed Rachel McAdams his fake penis:
Donkey Hodey: C-Tates works in the Mad-Props Department.
So congrats, Stinky Pete and Donkey Hodey. If either of you don’t already have five FilmDrunk shirts, email me. See below for this week’s honorable mentions.
Same Channing Tatum post, Donkey Hodey adds: Somewhere I want to believe that he nicknamed it “Chaz Boner.”
From Precious director accuses Expendables producer of being racist against SCUBA divers.
Donkey Hodey: It’s not that SCUBA divers drive down property values that bothers me so much, it’s just their wet backs I can’t get used to.
Crapbasket: Probably just the masks, but don’t most SCUBA divers look alike?
Jessolido: My grandpa calls them all “Harpoon chuckers”. But he grew up in a different time, and he’s still pretty set in his ways.
ChinoMoreno says: SCUBA divers like fried chicken of the sea.
Of course, that wasn’t the only opportunity you too to get racial. From Tyler Perry preps Madea’s Witness Protection:
Donkey Hodey: Larry the Cable Guy’s ‘Witless Protection’ is rated at 3% on Rottentomatoes. Using racist math, I estimate this movie will rate a 1.8%.
Mustafa Dystrophy: Don Cornelius, you shot the wrong guy.
Elsewhere, Russell Crowe and Liam Neeson were in talks for a Noah’s Ark movie, so you can imagine where that thread went:
Patty Boots: I’d rather see Christian Bale as Noah.
“Noah, we’ve found sheep for the ark.” “OOOOOOH, GOOD FER EEEEEEEWE.”
Erswi: 30 Odd Cubits of Gunt.
And Mel Gibson got beat up by Mexicans in Get the Gringo:
Moose:
Mel: I’m surprised all you Beaners haven’t made it across the river into the US by now.
Mexican: We can’t keep our boat from tipping.
Mel: PUT A JEW IN IT, JOSE!Larry : He didn’t offend this group on purpose, it’s just that when you yell “F*ck Jews,” it sounds like you’re talking to a Mexican, mang.
Whoa whoa whoa, I think “mang” is technically Cuban.
From Michael Shannon was in Groundhog Day:
Crapbasket: Well ain’t this the snakes ankles! The wife and I just watched Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, and he had a bit part in that. When I saw him I exclaimed, “Look Jizzrecepticle! It’s Hatef*ck McJewdrowner from Boardwalk Empire!” My stars Vinky, it’s like we’re living the same life.
Our favorite preppy, Armie Hammer showed up in a Mirror Mirror poster:
Jessolido: “The only thing whiter than Snow White herself is the WASP-y soldier destined to save her.”
And finally, we closed out the week with a thread about Amanda Seyfried’s refusing full frontal that somehow descended into a deluge of Amanda Seyfried’s-eyes-are-far-apart jokes.
Crapbasket: What I got out of this, she’s fully shaved.
Ressurected JHC: Ten bucks says there’s a swatch down the middle that she missed.
Donkey Hodey: If she’s that embarrassed about it, she should hire a mons publicist.
Ressurected JHC: Amanda can jerk two dudes off at the same time, yet keep eye contact with both. You can’t teach that.
Crapbasket: Now this is an allegory of the cave.
Larry: Her boyfriend left when he heard she was seeing someone on the side.
I guess her eyes being far apart is funnier than her having nice boobs, but still. Anyway, nice word play. And as always, nominate your favorite comments from this week below (and use the reply function to vote), and check back here next Monday so we can all relive the memories of The Week in FilmDrunk Commenting That Was.