Last week’s thread wasn’t Oscars themed, and for that I say, “I’m sorry”/”You’re welcome.” Never again will I miss the opportunity to theme Comments of the Week around a major broadcast event. This week’s edition will celebrate all of the nihilistic darkness and crippled masculinity of True Detective.
Let’s begin with some stragglers. You didn’t make it to the official nomination thread, but I happened to see you instead of the others. Your mention here is as coincidental and surprising as a fatal accident. From the Sin City: A Dame to Kill For trailer:
Samuel Feckett: Bruce Willis was dead in the last one but he came back, so why not Brittany Murphy? What is she, stuck up?
It’s funny because for whatever reason I always forget that Brittany Murphy is not alive. If you tell me about her I’ll take two enthusiastic mental strides until I realize NVM SHE DEAD and giggle at my misstep. No legacy is left unsoiled. From the same post:
Nic Cages T-Rex Skull: *Adjusts monocle* Pardon me, but shouldn’t this be called, “A Dame for Whom I Would Kill?” *Rides away on pennyfarthing*
Without words that look like ‘farting’ there is no way to imagine joy. We are beasts seeking refuge from society’s tormenting solemnity in the caves of poopy sounds and butt doodles. Feklhr deserves a honorable mention for his contribution to the news that two Academy members said they voted for 12 Years a Slave without seeing it.
Feklhr: The worst aspect of going to see ’12 Years A Slave’ isn’t any of the staunch cinematic depictions, it’s having black people talking during the movie on BOTH sides of the screen.
Your comment was the most nominated, Fek, and for that you should win. But you don’t. If you’re upset just think about the prisons echoing with the howls of the innocent and the fact that the entire idea of justice is a farce based on revenge and pain. Never will we find solace. The real winner?
Jangles: I’m torn. On the one hand he was clearly bringing the information to light in a malicious manner, and whether or not he regrets having done so it seems fair that some consequences linger for Bagley as they certainly are for the young lady in question.
At the same time, she missed out on a teaching moment by failing to whip out a camera and a 50 pack of condoms to show those frat boys just how broken the lock to Fort Knox really is.
In case you haven’t heard, a frat guy outed a Duke freshman doing porn, only to then be outed himself as a facial abuse aficionado by a porn CEO (#USA). See, her name’s Belle Knox (which was unfortunately unclaimed by the slower pornstars at Tennessee), so there’s wordplay in addition to the theme of embracing public opinion’s hatefulness by exaggerating your own rotting reputation. You’re not falling from grace, you’re just leaving faster than all the others. Let the ants eat what is fed them. Be the harbinger of annihilation. Doodle boobs in your cave.
Remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. Next week’s winner, you know who you are and I’m glad we could finally come to an agreement.
VINCE’S NOTE: Being the hands off editor I am, I usually let Evan handle this post on his own. But I couldn’t let these comments go unrecognized:
From The Two Academy Members Who Voted for 12 Years A Slave Without Seeing It:
Chareth Cutestory: WHITES ARE THE NEW OPPRESSED MINORITY THANKS TO BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMACARE. #DINESHDISOUZA2016 #BLESSED
And..
Chareth Cutestory: BACK IN MY DAY, STEVE MCQUEEN WAS A GOD-FEARING WHITE CHRISTIAN WITH A SICK MUSTANG, NOT SOME LIBRUL FOREIGNER WHO PROBABLY DRIVES A GAY ASS LORRY. #BULLIT #JESUSTAKETHEWHEEL
And from A Texas Blog Lady Says Matthew McConaughey Might Not Be The Christian Role Model Jesus Would Choose:
Stallonewolf: That’s what I love about these conservative Christian girls, man. I get older, they spout the same rage.
Those were too good not to include.