Senior Editor
02.18.09 55 Comments

According to LatinoReview, Danny Trejo has joined the cast of The Expendables, possibly as the “main bad guy”.  With Sylvester Stallone writing and directing, Trejo joins a cast that already includes Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Forrest Whitaker, Randy Couture, and a cameo by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Be advised, however, that the film does come with a few warnings:

  • The Expendables is not recommended for children, the elderly, people with heart conditions, or Belgians
  • Cover all open sores or lesions before viewing The Expendables
  • Pregnant woman should not handle tickets to The Expendables
  • Athletes should avoid The Expendables as it may cause false positives to drug tests
  • Some viewers may experience acne, shirtlessness, or uncontrollable vomiting
  • The Expendables may cause erectile malfunction and increased ejaculate
  • The Expendables is not recommended for patients predisposed to rectal bleeding
  • In early trials, a low percentage of women who watched The Expendables experienced immaculate conception
  • If you watch The Expendables while pregnant, expect to give birth – to a baby with hairy balls.

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