02.18.09 10 years ago 55 Comments

According to LatinoReview, Danny Trejo has joined the cast of The Expendables, possibly as the “main bad guy”.  With Sylvester Stallone writing and directing, Trejo joins a cast that already includes Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Forrest Whitaker, Randy Couture, and a cameo by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Be advised, however, that the film does come with a few warnings:

  • The Expendables is not recommended for children, the elderly, people with heart conditions, or Belgians
  • Cover all open sores or lesions before viewing The Expendables
  • Pregnant woman should not handle tickets to The Expendables
  • Athletes should avoid The Expendables as it may cause false positives to drug tests
  • Some viewers may experience acne, shirtlessness, or uncontrollable vomiting
  • The Expendables may cause erectile malfunction and increased ejaculate
  • The Expendables is not recommended for patients predisposed to rectal bleeding
  • In early trials, a low percentage of women who watched The Expendables experienced immaculate conception
  • If you watch The Expendables while pregnant, expect to give birth – to a baby with hairy balls.

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