FilmDrunk

Defamer Publishes Supposed 1st-Hand Account of Corey Feldman Drug Orgy

Our newfound fascination with Corey Feldman started a few weeks ago when Burnsy discovered his video for “Ascension Millenium,” and it’s only been heating up since then. Vice published a must-read account of Feldman’s 42nd birthday party last week, and today, Gawker subsidiary site Defamer ran a first-hand account of an orgy at Feldman’s place, which, as we’ve recently learned, is known as “The Feldmansion.” I can’t decide if he has the worst publicist in the world or the best.

As the newsman in Zoolander might say, “Ugly protesters bothering beautiful people. You hate to see something like that at an event like this.”

Today’s Defamer account, published under the pen name (which is horseshit) “Lila Whitney” and entitled “I Accidentally Went to Corey Feldman’s Orgy” is… well… see for yourself.

Unlike many former child stars, Corey aged very well. He’s still hot and has all of his hair.

Which helps explain how I ended up at an orgy at his house.

Does it? To who? I feel like you’ve skipped a few steps there.

Like many orgy stories (I think), this one starts with me out at the club by myself. It’s maybe two years ago. I’m going to see a promoter I know, and planning on running into a few acquaintances. To my surprise, I run into a casting director, Paul. (His name is not Paul.) I’d met with Paul a few times, though he never booked me for anything. He tells me he’s Corey’s roommate. Paul’s very impressed with himself for being roommates with Corey, as if it makes him more f*ckable. He tells me that they’re having a little party once the club closes. He invites me.

Club promoters, casting directors, orgies at Corey Feldman’s house… Jesus, I feel like I’m in The Canyons.

I walk upstairs toward the bedroom. On the landing past the stairs, Paul’s assistant is on her knees, performing oral sex on another girl. I watch for a few seconds in shock and a little bit of awe, jealous of her perfectly-waxed vagina. Then I look up and see Paul, who tells me that this isn’t just a regular party.

It’s a sex party.

I’ll take YOU to the bank, Senator.

The Blood Bank.

I head into the bedroom, where I find Corey using drugs and hooking up with a group of girls. He has an industrial canister of nitrous oxide with cartridges that look like giant bullets. I think, this ain’t no Reddi Whip—isn’t Corey sober? He’s always on television or in People talking about his higher power.

But in Former Child Star Land, apparently N20 is Jesus Christ. He must be really into nitrous because this wasn’t the kind of equipment you could just buy at a headshop or from a drug dealer.

I included this part solely to applaud her* metaphors and exhaustive scientific research. *(“her”)

Paul offers me some molly. Although everyone else at the orgy is rolling, I just want some of the coke in my purse. Using nitrous oxide and molly is completely crazy and beyond the boundaries of even my own drug use. Of course, I take a few hits anyway.

“And today in Unnecessary Prefacing…”

I take a another hit of nitrous and then take off all my clothes.

“Hey, a-Corey! Why-a you make-a di girl take-a di nitrous? Canna you see she no like-a di drugs? Stop a-thinkin a-with you a-cannoli, you make-a you mama cry!”

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