Despite some notable exceptions, mostly in the indie realm, the general consensus seems to be that this year’s crop of summer movies were a disappointing meh-lange of snoozes and wanks. I saw a few great movies, and I’m not convinced that even the big-hype fare was any worse than previous years. People just have a tendency to forget the bad movies of past years the same way you forget an ex’s more obnoxious qualities when you’re drunk and lonely. I guess what I’m saying is, do NOT drunk text Star Trek 2, you guys. That ended super lame.
Regardless of how you feel about it, summer’s over and it’s time for your mom to put her top back on. We’re heading into the fall season now, when ‘splosions and space aliens give way to grandeur and gravitas, and period drama rules the day. With new films coming from the Coen Brothers, Cormac McCarthy, Spike Jonze, Spike Lee, Martin Scorsese, George Clooney, Alfonso Cuarón, Scott Cooper, David O. Russell, and the black Steve McQueen, 2013’s September-to-December movie season looks more stacked than a Chinese library. I’m not sure what that means, but if you can’t find at least find one or two movies to get excited about this fall, well, you can just shove off to party pooper town with the other naysaying buttholes and leave us fun-havers to our high-fivery. Something like that.
To help guide you through this fall’s releases, I’ve helpfully broken the films into three helpful categories (not including sub categories).
MOST ANTICIPATED
– October
– November
– December
SEPTEMBER
Short Term 12
Okay, so September’s slate is a little light, so much so that I’m including a film that actually came out in August. But depending on where you live, it’ll most likely be in a theater near you in September. To make a long story short, the glowing reviews are true, mostly. It’s an emo-as-hell take on foster kids and their problems and the people trying to help them. It’s sort of Dangerous Minds-y, but the acting is some of the best you’ll see and writer/director Destin Cretton is clearly writing about what he knows. He’s also talented enough to keep the drama from spilling over into melodrama, even while riding the line the entire film. Expect to see a lot more of Brie Larson. And stay tuned for the final scene, possibly the most beautiful, memorable shot I saw all year.
Oscar Chances
One Holocaust Orphan. I’m guessing this will mostly fly under the radar on account of being underseen and opening too early, but white-people-helping-black-kids is always a popular topic, and I definitely wouldn’t count out Brie Larson. I’m thinking more Independent Spirit Awards, but who knows.
Don Jon (September 27th)
Honestly, I’m only giving this one the benefit of the doubt because it opens in September and there isn’t much else going on this month. The premise seems slightly hokey and the acting like it comes straight from the Bravo TV school of ethnic/regional stereotypes, but I’d watch an entire movie of just Tony Danza’s character. Did you know all Italians wear wifebeaters and drive muscle cars while they grab their balls and eat meatballs? It’s true. …Man, I’m glad I didn’t grow up in New Jersey or Long Island.
Oscar Chances
Half a Holocaust Orphan. Maybe ScarJo could win something for overacting? Is that a thing?
OCTOBER
Gravity (October 4th)
The director of Children of Men (Alfonso Cuarón). Almost universally positive reviews. Space finally looks as terrifying as it does when you’re stoned at the planetarium. Yes, please. I’m going to see this so hard my eyes get rug burn. Four anticipation boners, way up.
Oscar Chances
Three Holocaust Orphans. The Academy loves Sandra Bullock, despite her almost never being in good movies, and by all accounts, she’s finally in a good movie.
—
12 Years a Slave, October 18th
The black Steve McQueen directs Chiwetel Ejiofor, Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Paul Dano, Paul Giamatti and Michael F. Assbender in a drama about a free black man in the North who gets sold into slavery in the South. I believe one of our commenters dubbed it “Django Rechained.” Also, this is neither here nor there, but in the trailer, it sounds like Brad Pitt is using his Aldo Raine accent to play a Canadian. Bold choice.
Oscar Chances
Five out of a possible five Holocaust Orphans*, fully dyslexic. Did you hear that cast? Not to mention slavery being treated with somber seriousness and a moral, dignified black man as protagonist. If there are any trophies left after The Butler, this will win all of them.
*The number that fit in my rented Accord.
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Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, October 25th
Yes, it’s Johnny Knoxville basically trying to milk an old concept(s), but I’d be lying my ass off if I told you I didn’t already have my ten bucks ready after seeing the Toddlers & Tiaras prank in the trailer. You’re a hopeless snoot if you don’t recognize that as effective satire.
Oscar Chances
Negative five Holocaust Orphans, or, three frat bros butt chugging. This won’t take any trophies home unless Preston Lacy smuggles them in his big diaper.
—
The Counselor, October 25th
Do I need to say anything other than “from an original screenplay by Cormac McCarthy?”
Legendary filmmaker Ridley Scott and Pulitzer Prize winning author Cormac McCarthy (No Country for Old Men) have joined forces in the motion picture thriller THE COUNSELOR, starring Michael Fassbender, Javier Bardem, Brad Pitt, Penélope Cruz, and Cameron Diaz. McCarthy, making his screenwriting debut and Scott interweave the author’s characteristic wit and dark humor with a nightmarish scenario, in which a respected lawyer’s dalliance with the drug business spirals out of control.
The trailer also includes a motorcycle beheading and a pet cheetah. It’s like Cormac McCarthy knows me better than I know myself. I wish I had an arcane thesaurus with which to pay him a compliment.
Oscar Chances
One and a half Holocaust Orphans. It looks a little dark for the Academy, though they do love all of these actors. At the very least, Javier Bardem’s hair deserves a lifetime achievement award.
NOVEMBER
Wolf of Wall Street, November 15th
Martin Scorsese is back, with a story of greed and corruption starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, and Matthew McConaughey.
Based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, from his rise to a wealthy stockbroker living the high life to his fall involving crime, corruption and the federal government.
I’m not sure if we need another movie that makes greed and corruption look totally awesome, and it’s based on what sounds like an unreadable book written about himself by Jordan Belfort, who certainly belongs in the douchebag hall of fame, but I’m not ready to write off Martin Scorsese, and McConaughey beating his chest in the trailer won me over. Our friend Matt Louv dubbed it “Spring Bankers,” and I can’t stop calling it that.
Oscar Chances
Two Holocaust Orphans. There’s also a 100 percent chance of someone calling Martin Scorsese “Marty.” Take that to the bank.
—
Out of the Furnace, November 27th
From Scott Cooper, the critically-acclaimed writer and director of Crazy Heart, comes a gripping and gritty drama about family, fate, circumstance, and justice. Russell Baze (Christian Bale) has a rough life: he works a dead-end blue collar job at the local steel mill by day, and cares for his terminally ill father by night. When Russell’s brother Rodney (Casey Affleck) returns home from serving time in Iraq, he gets lured into one of the most ruthless crime rings in the Northeast and mysteriously disappears. The police fail to crack the case, so – with nothing left to lose – Russell takes matters into his own hands, putting his life on the line to seek justice for his brother.
I never saw Crazy Heart, but I’ve heard this one’s the real deal, and the cast alone will get me in the theater. Ben Affleck is a kick-ass director, but I think Casey may have the edge in acting ability. Remember when he jerked off in Ben Affleck’s baseball mitt in Good Will Hunting? That was cool.
Oscar Chances
Two and a half Holocaust Orphans. It looks gritty and über-dramatic, and Christian Bale doing a new accent is worth half a Holocaust Orphan on its own.
DECEMBER
Dallas Buyers Club, December 6th
Matthew McConaughey plays Texas bullriding booze & cooze hound Ron Woodruff, who starts smuggling experimental anti-viral drugs from Mexico after being diagnosed with HIV in 1986. The only question is whether Jared Leto will be obnoxious enough to ruin it. I find him hard to look at.
Oscar Chances
Two Holocaust Orphans, though only for Matthew McConaughey. If the Academy had any damn decency, they’d give McConaughey a make-up nomination for his unconscionable snubs for Supporting Actor and Best Song for Magic Mike last year. Then again, they could just nominate him in Mud or Spring Bankers. On that note, is it just me, or are the same 10 actors starring in every movie out this year?
—
Inside Llewyn Davis, December 6th (limited)
The Coen Brothers, John Goodman, a kitty cat. It’s between this, American Hustle and The Counselor in terms of films I’m most embonered for. Would I be as excited for this if it wasn’t a Coen Brothers movie? No, but it is a Coen Brothers movie, so who cares. That’s like saying would you still like the Heat’s chances if Lebron wasn’t on the team. For me, the biggest question surrounding this one is how my mom will screw up the name. Will it be Lewelyn Davies? Lewis Davids? It’s almost like the Coens are deliberately screwing with her.
Oscar Chances
Three and a half Holocaust Orphans. Everyone’s going to see a Coen Brothers movie, plus the Academy loves Carey Mulligan, and she’s finally in a movie where she’s not pouting the entire time.
—
American Hustle, December 13th (New York and LA)
Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams, and Jennifer Lawrence star in an ABSCAM film from David O. Russell. The trailer for this tells me almost nothing about the movie and it’s still so damn good it gives me goosebumps. David O. Russell is out-Scorsese-ing Scorsese. I hate to damn a movie with unrealistic expectations, but if this is anything less than amazing I will cry.
Oscar Chances
Four Holocaust Orphans. Everyone in it is at least previous nominee. The only complicating factor is that a lot of them could be competing against themselves in other movies.
—
The Monuments Men, December 18
George Clooney acts! George Clooney directs!
In a race against time, a crew of art historians and museum curators unite to recover renowned works of art stolen by Nazis before Hitler destroys them.
Blah blah blah, all I heard was “Bill Murray in a cravat.”
Oscar Chances
Three Holocaust Orphans. George Clooney does charming voice overs about the Nazis? I have to think Oscar chances are good unless he Leatherheads this up. Hitler should get a lifetime achievement award for all the Oscars he inadvertently helped people win.
—
Her, December 18th (New York and LA)
Spike Jonze directs Joaquin Phoenix in a film that looks like Charlie Kaufman would’ve written. (Psych! Spike Jonze did!).
A lonely writer develops an unlikely relationship with his newly-purchased operating system that’s designed to meet his every need.
I’m sick of this lonely writer stereotype. Me and my hair doll Charlene are very happy, especially if I’ve been drinking. Like a lot of Spike Jonze stuff, the trailer for this just has a look and a feel that I find incredibly appealing, even if it’s not as easy to explain as most of the other movies on this list. He makes movies purdy.
Oscar Chances
One and a half Holocaust Orphans. This one’s probably a little too out there for the Academy, but I have my fingers crossed for at least an awkward Joaquin Phoenix reaction gif.
So it is with almost everything, roughly 85 percent of the movies released in a given year are going to be crap, that’s just the nature of things. It’s why we appreciate the other 15 percent so much. Here are some movies in particular that look destined to make everything else seem amazing by comparison.
Robert DeNiro is the patriarch of a family of hitmen. I hope this movie fails, and once and for all proves that combining stale comedy with stale action doesn’t magically create a fresh concept.
Sofia Vergara shoots a boob gun in this Robert Rodriguez sequel to a movie that probably should’ve never been more than a trailer in the first place. Stars Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga, and Charlie Sheen. I think Robert Rodriguez and Seltzer Friedberg use the same casting agent.
Is it Grown Ups for grandpas or The Hangover for 70-year-olds? Either way, no thanks. What’s the over/under on Viagra/Lipitor jokes? I say 10. Do old guys like all these old-guy jokes? Does anyone? I find them patronizing and I’m not even old.
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
At this point, you either love Peter Jackson’s Hobbit movies or hate them. I gave the last one a chance and I think I’m done now. But hey, Hobbit lovers, don’t let me stop you from enjoying three more hours of bad storytelling and ugly character design, I hear they make it halfway to the dragon’s lair in this one. (*magical wank motion*)
Untitled Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Christmas Film
I enjoy that this has a release date but not even a title. It’s basically admitting what we’ve always known about Tyler Perry’s creative process.
Naomi Watts plays Princess Diana. I can’t imagine what more you’d need to know about Princess Diana at this point. Unless she had an underground sex farm or played raptor polo topless, I’ll pass.
Robert Deniro plays Billy “The Kid” McDonnen and Sylvester Stallone plays Henry “Razor” Sharp (LOL) in a film about a pair of aging boxers getting back in the ring 50 years after their first match. I’m actually intrigued by the sheer amount of juice these guys are going to take to get in shape for this film, but I just got so used to sticking Deniro movies in the least anticipated section that I did it with this one out of inertia.
I had to pick one of the Mandela movies, because honestly, how many f*cking Mandela movies do we need? There are other things that happened in South Africa, aren’t there?
Enough with the damn one-word kids movies. Turbo. Epic. Tangled. Frozen. The fact that you couldn’t muster more than one vague adjective makes me think you probably didn’t work too hard on the concept either.
Here’s a list of your Fall movies, with short synopsis.
SEPTEMBER 2013
September 6 (Friday)
The third movie in the Pitch Black/Chronicles of Riddick franchise, starring Vin Diesel as a guy who can see in the dark and also bench press a lot. Vin Diesel chokes a pterodactyl in the trailer so I guess you could say it looks pretty good.
A Teacher (Limited)
“A high school teacher in Austin, Texas has an affair with one of her students. Her life begins to unravel as the relationship comes to an end.” A Teacher isn’t a very descriptive title. I would’ve gone with “Horny Teacher” or “Hot for Teacher” or “A Teacher’s Touch,” or “Look Mom I Banged a Teacher.” (trailer).
Hell Baby (Limited)
The Reno 911 guys made a spoof, basically. It could be good, because Rob Corddry. (trailer).
Salinger (Limited)
A documentary about JD Salinger, and why he thought everyone was a big phony. (trailer).
Touchy Feely (Limited)
Lynne Shelton movie about a massage therapist who “develops a sudden aversion to body contact.” I don’t know if I’d call it sudden, but I’ve developed an aversion to stories about quirky phobias. (trailer).
Winnie Mandela (Limited)
Starring Jennifer Hudson and Terrence Howard as the Mandelas. (trailer).
September 13 (Friday)
Robert DeNiro and Michelle Pfeiffer star in a comedy about a family of hitmen. I wouldn’t say it looks un-generic. (trailer).
Has there been a horror movie in the last five years that didn’t get a sequel? (trailer).
Blue Caprice (Limited)
Film about the Beltway snipers, starring Isaiah Washington. Will watch for Isaiah Washington being a hardass alone. (trailer).
Wadjda (Limited)
“An enterprising Saudi girl signs on for her school’s Koran recitation competition as a way to raise the remaining funds she needs in order to buy the green bicycle that has captured her interest.” One of those movies that I will feel bad about not seeing, I’m sure. (trailer).
Jayne Mansfield’s Car (Limited)
Robert Duvall, Kevin Bacon, Ray Stevenson. Billy Bob Thornton directs this family drama/culture-clash set in 1969 Alabama. I still don’t know what the title is supposed to mean. (trailer).
September 20 (Friday)
It’s a dance battle movie starring mostly a bunch of white kids. Without C-Tates or David Bowie as judge it seems like a bit of a dog, though IMDB does promise a Chris Brown cameo. (trailer).
When his kids go missing, Hugh Jackman takes the law into his own hands, while Terrence Howard is all “Nah, man how bout we just play the bongos and scat a while instead.” (trailer).
Chris Hemsworth and Daniel Brühl are dueling Formula One drivers James Hunt and Niki Lauda in a Ron Howard bio-ish pic. (trailer). I expect it to be hokey but adequate.
+1 (Limited)
“Three college friends hit the biggest party of the year, where a mysterious phenomenon disrupts the night, quickly descending into a chaos that challenges their friendships — and whether they can stay alive.” The poster has sexy lady on it, so this will probably be good. (trailer).
C.O.G. (Limited)
Based on the David Sedaris story about his time in Oregon picking fruit, I still can’t get over the part where they made David Sedaris look like a handsome, clean-cut Yale grad. (trailer).
Enough Said (Limited)
James Gandolfini’s last film, starring opposite Julia Louise-Dreyfuss. “A divorced woman who decides to pursue the man she’s interested in learns he’s her new friend’s ex-husband.” I never understand why people title their rom-coms something that sounds like a million other rom-coms. (trailer).
Parkland (Limited)
Tom Hanks-produced JFK assassination drama focusing on the tertiary characters, like Abe Zapruder, played by Paul Giamatti. (trailer).
Thanks for Sharing (Limited)
The Kids Are Alright screenwriter Stuart Blumberg directs an indie comedy about sex addiction starring Mark Ruffalo and Gwyneth Paltrow. (trailer).
A Single Shot (Limited)
Sam Rockwell stars. “The tragic death of a beautiful young girl starts a tense and atmospheric game of cat and mouse between hunter John Moon and the hardened backwater criminals out for his blood.” (trailer).
September 27 (Friday)
Paula Patton stars as a flight attendant looking for love in a mostly African-American take on a traditionally lily-white genre – the pun-title romantic comedy. Get it? She has baggage. (trailer).
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (in 3D)
Self- explanatory. (trailer).
Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a porn-addicted guido trying to fall in love with Scarlett Johansson in JGL’s directorial debut. Danza looks like the bomb, though I hope they put more care into the movie than they did the crappy title. (trailer).
Metallica Through the Never (IMAX 3D)
Metallica must’ve been bummed about looking like tools in Some Kind of Monster, because this documentary/music video/whats it looks like it goes to absurd lengths to make them look badass. (trailer).
Muscle Shoals (Limited)
Music doc. “Located alongside the Tennessee River, Muscle Shoals, Alabama is the unlikely breeding ground for some of America’s most creative and defiant music.” (trailer).
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OCTOBER 2013
October 4 (Friday)
Alfonso Cuarón’s long-awaited follow up to Children of Men starring George Clooney and Sandra Bullock. “A medical engineer and an astronaut work together to survive after an accident leaves them adrift in space.” Well yeah, obviously I’m seeing that. (trailer).
30-year-old college student Justin Timberlake gets seduced into a life of offshore gambling by evil guy Ben Affleck. You had me at “Ben Affleck feeds people to crocodiles.” (trailer).
A.C.O.D. (Limited)
Title stands for “Adult Child of Divorce.” Stars the fantastic and underrated Adam Scott. “A.C.O.D. follows a seemingly well-adjusted Adult Child of Divorce who is forced to revisit the chaos of his parents bitter divorce all over again after his younger brother decides to get married. ” (trailer).
October 11 (Friday)
Tom Hanks gets kidnapped by Somali pirates. Somalis, Hollywood’s yellow-eyed cannon fodder. (trailer).
Starring Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange, from Dreamgirls/Twilight director Bill Condon. (trailer).
The sequel to Machete starring Michelle Rodriguez, Lady Gaga, Sofia Vergara, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, and Honey Boo Boo. Okay, I lied about that last one, but would you be surprised? (trailer).
The Inevitable Defeat of Mister & Pete (Limited)
“Coming of age story about two inner city youths, who are left to fend for themselves over the summer after their mothers are taken away by the authorities.” (trailer).
Romeo & Juliet (Limited)
Yep, they made another one, this time with Hailee Steinfeld and Douglass Booth. Directed by Carlo Carlei. Looks like it stars every twinkish milk baby in Hollywood.
October 18 (Friday)
Starring Julianne Moore and Chloe Moretz in Stephen King remake from Boys Don’t Cry director Kimberly Pierce. (trailer).
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone break out of a high-tech prison. 50 Cent is there too. (trailer).
12 Years a Slave (Limited)
Chiwetel Ojiofor plays a Northern free black man sold into slavery in the antebellum South, from director Steve McQueen, starring Brad Pitt, Michael Fassbender, Paul Dano, and more. If this doesn’t win an Oscar I don’t know what will. I take that back, The Butler will. (trailer).
All is Lost (Limited)
Sounds like Castaway, with Robert Redford, basically. From Margin Call director JC Chandor. “After a collision with a shipping container at sea, a resourceful sailor finds himself, despite all efforts to the contrary, staring his mortality in the face.” Pff, I stared my mortality in its gaping butt, and I spit in it. On a serious note, this sounds like Robert Redford’s semi-annual movie that looks very serious that I’m probably never going to see. (trailer).
Kill Your Darlings (Limited)
“A murder in 1944 draws together the great poets of the beat generation: Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs.” Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Ben Foster, and Dane DeHaan. On the same note as the last one, this looks like the semi-annual Daniel Radcliffe movie that I refuse to see because I have a rare Daniel Radcliffe’s face phobia.
October 25 (Friday)
Ridley Scott directs an original script by Cormac McCarthy, starring Brad Pitt, Michael Fassbender, Javier Bardem, Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz. (trailer).
Johnny Knoxville dresses like an old man and uses his fake grandson to play pranks on people. Basically a cross between Borat and that old “Man Show Boy” bit, where Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla used a little kid with an earpiece to say ridiculous things to people. You say stale, I say classic comedy. (trailer).
Blue Is the Warmest Color (Limited)
The Cannes Palme d’Or winner with the pretentious title, “The story of a young lesbian couple’s beginning, middle and possible end.” I hate to sound like a Philistine, but boy does that sound boring and French. Also, Palme d’Or? I hardly know’or! (trailer).
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NOVEMBER 2013
November 1 (Friday)
The film adaptation of Orson Scott Card’s famous sci-fi novel starring Harrison Ford and Asa Butterfield. I just enjoy that a guy who supposedly hates the gays wrote a book called “Ender’s Game” that now stars a kid with both “ass” and “butt” in his name. Okay, maybe that has nothing to do with him hating the gays and everything to do with me liking references to butts. (trailer).
Free Birds (in 3D)
Formerly “Turkeys,” which would’ve made more sense, considering it’s about turkeys. “Two turkeys from opposite sides of the tracks must put aside their differences and team up to travel back in time to change the course of history – and get turkey off the holiday menu for good.” (trailer)
Michael Douglas, Robert Deniro, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline team up for a movie about a bachelor party in Vegas. The paycheckiest of paycheck movies. I’d love to see more of Kevin Kline, but not like this. (trailer).
Diana (Limited)
Naomi Watts plays Princess Diana in a film from Downfall director Oliver Hirschbiegel. Oh God, please no more movies about British royalty. (trailer).
November 8 (Friday)
Thor: The Dark World (in 3D)
Thor has to team up with his old rival Loki to stop a bad guy whose plans threaten to tear apart the very fabric of reality. I just hope that if the bad guy tears apart the fabric of reality, Kat Dennings boobs pop out of it. (trailer).
About Time (Limited)
Rachel McAdams stars in another time travel rom-com. “At the age of 21, Tim discovers he can travel in time and change what happens and has happened in his own life. His decision to make his world a better place by getting a girlfriend turns out not to be as easy as you might think.” (trailer).
November 15 (Friday)
Another African-American cast relationship comedy, this one dude-centric. “When college friends reunite after 15 years over the Christmas holidays, they will discover just how easy it is for long-forgotten rivalries and romances to be ignited.” Isn’t a Best Man Holiday called a “bachelor party?” (trailer).
“While subjected to the horrors of WWII Germany, young Liesel finds solace by stealing books and sharing them with others. Under the stairs in her home, a Jewish refuge is being sheltered by her adoptive parents.” If you were trying to write an Oscar movie, you probably couldn’t do much better than that. (trailer).
Martin Scorsese directs the story of Wall Street sleazeball Jordan Belfort, based on the book by Jordan Belfort, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey, a chimp, and a dwarf in a helmet. The Kanye soundtrack in the trailer seemed a bit much. (trailer).
November 22 (Friday)
Vince Vaughn plays a middle aged slacker who finds out he fathered 533 children with donated sperm. I can’t believe this is a real movie and not something we made up. (trailer).
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Cat Nips, Pita Bread, and Heymitch Jablome are all back for the second installment of The Hunger Games, this time with new director Francis Lawrence, who hopefully brought a tripod for this one. (trailer).
Nebraska (Limited)
An Alexander Payne (Election, The Descendants) starring Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, and Stacey Keach. “An aging, booze-addled father makes the trip from Montana to Nebraska with his estranged son in order to claim a million dollar Mega Sweepstakes Marketing prize.” I actually didn’t know about this until five minutes ago and it doesn’t have a trailer yet, but now it’s on my most anticipated radar. Election was on cable the other day, and my God, that film is a masterpiece. Payne also produced Cedar Rapids. I love his comedic sensibilities.
November 27 (Wednesday – Thanksgiving)
Musical starring Forest Whitaker, Angela Basset, and Jennifer Hudson. “A street-wise teen from Baltimore who has been raised by a single mother travels to New York City to spend the Christmas holiday with his estranged relatives, where he embarks on a surprising and inspirational journey.” (trailer).
Frozen (in 3D)
Animated. “Fearless optimist Anna teams up with Kristoff in an epic journey, encountering Everest-like conditions, and a hilarious snowman named Olaf in a race to find Anna’s sister Elsa, whose icy powers have trapped the kingdom in eternal winter.” We are truly living in a golden age of generic, crappy titles. (trailer).
Hold on, a movie written by Sylvester Stallone starring Jason Statham and James Franco playing a character named “Gator?” I feel like I should’ve known about this sooner.
Spike Lee’s remake of the Korean classic starring Josh Brolin and Elizabeth Olsen. (trailer).
Grace of Monaco (Limited)
“The story of former Hollywood star Grace Kelly’s crisis of marriage and identity, during a political dispute between Monaco’s Prince Rainier III and France’s Charles De Gaulle, and a looming French invasion of Monaco in the early 1960s.” Starring Nicole Kidman as Grace Kelly.
Out of the Furnace (Limited)
Gritty drama from Crazy Heart director Scott Cooper, starring Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, and Willem Dafoe. (trailer). The trailer had me at Pearl Jam.
November 29 (Friday)
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom (Limited)
I think the title’s pretty self-explanatory. Stars Idris Elba as Mandela. (trailer).
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DECEMBER 2013
December 6 (Friday)
Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Jared Leto. “Matthew McConaughey stars in DALLAS BUYERS CLUB as real-life Texas cowboy Ron Woodroof, whose free-wheeling life was overturned in 1985 when he was diagnosed as HIV-positive and given 30 days to live. These were the early days of the AIDS epidemic, and the U.S. was divided over how to combat the virus. Ron, now shunned and ostracized by many of his old friends, and bereft of government-approved effective medicines, decided to take matters in his own hands, tracking down alternative treatments from all over the world by means both legal and illegal.” (trailer).
Out of the Furnace (Expands Wide)
Inside Llewyn Davis (Limited)
Oscar Isaac, Carey Mulligan, John Goodman, Justin Timberlake. Directed by the Coen Brothers. “A week in the life of a young singer as he navigates the Greenwich Village folk scene of 1961.” (trailer).
December 13 (Friday)
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (in 3D)
“The Dwarves, Bilbo and Gandalf have successfully escaped the Misty Mountains, and Bilbo has gained the One Ring. They all continue their journey to get their gold back from the Dragon, Smaug.” (trailer).
American Hustle (NY & LA Only)
Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams, Jennifer Lawrence. Directed by David O. Russell. “The story of a con artist and his partner in crime, who were forced to work with a federal agent to turn the tables on other cons, mobsters, and politicians – namely, the volatile mayor of impoverished Camden, New Jersey.” Sort of a lame title, but the best damned trailer I’ve seen all year. (trailer).
Saving Mr. Banks (Limited)
Tom Hanks as Walt Disney, Emma Thompson, Colin Farrell. Directed by John Lee Hancock. “Mary Poppins author P. L. Travers reflects on her difficult childhood while meeting with filmmaker Walt Disney during production for the adaptation of her eponymous novel.” (trailer).
December 18 (Wednesday)
George Clooney, Matt Damon, Jean Dujardin, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Bob Balaban, Cate Blanchett. Directed by George Clooney. “In a race against time, a crew of art historians and museum curators unite to recover renowned works of art stolen by Nazis before Hitler destroys them.” That Hitler could be a real jerk some times. (trailer).
Her (NY & LA Only)
Joaquin Phoenix, Rooney Mara, Amy Adams. “A lonely writer develops an unlikely relationship with his newly-purchased operating system that’s designed to meet his every need.” (trailer).
December 20 (Friday)
Anchorman: The Legend Continues
Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner, Kristen Wiig. Directed by Adam McKay. “With the 70’s behind him, San Diego’s top rated newsman, Ron Burgundy, returns to take New York’s first 24-hour news channel by storm.” (trailer).
Inside Llewyn Davis (Expands Wide)
Saving Mr. Banks (Expands Wide)
Walking with Dinosaurs (in 3D)
Animated. “See and feel what it was like when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, in a story where an underdog dino triumphs to become a hero for the ages.” (trailer).
Foxcatcher (Limited)
Channing Tatum, Mark Ruffalo, Steve Carell. Directed by Bennett Miller. “The story of Olympic Wrestling Champion Mark Schultz and how paranoid schizophrenic John duPont killed his brother, Olympic Champion Dave Schultz.”
December 25 (Wednesday – Christmas)
47 Ronin (in 3D)
Grudge Match
Jack Ryan
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
August: Osage County (Limited)
Labor Day (Limited)