FLORIDA FRIDAY: Man tries to pay water bill with three crack rocks

Many things are frequently used as de facto currency in Florida – guns, snakes, shark tooth necklaces – but while Florida residents are for the most part well-versed in the rules of barter, using it to pay for all manner of meth, truck nuts, and ferret medicine, it seems the GUB-ment has certain “rules” about having to pay with “legal tender.” At least, that’s what a Deltona man found out recently when he tried to pay his water bill with crack cocaine. THANKS, OBAMA.

Florida authorities are searching for a Deltona man who tried to pay his water bill by handing a cashier an envelope filled with crack cocaine, the sheriff’s office said.

Okay, so the suspect is outstanding, but is the bill? I bet the crack was worth more than the water.

The Deltona Water office was evacuated on Sept. 23 after the water-department employees called the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office to take a look at the envelope with the white powder, authorities said.

“Powder?” Do we or do we not know what “crack cocaine” is?

According to the report, it is common for customers to drop off envelopes in the counter that contain their water bill payments.

But in this case, when the employee opened the envelope, there was no statement or writing on it. Instead, the envelope contained a clear plastic bag with 3 grams of crack cocaine.

A plastic bag inside an envelope? This guy must be the most considerate crackhead east of the Mississippi. He probably keeps his scabs in a fancy tupperware.

The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office will continue to investigate the incident. the man was caught on surveillance video and deputies say he left the water office on a bicycle. [NBC Miami]

Ah yes, the low-speed bicycle chase. That’s the moment this story went from “offbeat news” to “only in Florida.” I can practically hear the banjos.